The Lowly Pun

[Will]

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates,
the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.

"Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you
are."

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a
fire, ....and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.


3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a
little patient."

4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."

6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... the squaw
of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).


7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

[viniketa]

Thank you! I adore puns! They are not at all "lowly"...

[gregkavarnos]

These are great!

[Dave The Seeker]

Thanks Will, those really brightened my day!

[Kim O'Hara]

For all those who like puns, here are some more just posted on the other DW's jokes thread.
There's some duplication, but quite a few extras: http://www.dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=5479&start=320#p218570.

Kim

[gregkavarnos]

Brilliant!

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.