So, I started off by reading mostly Pali stuff years ago, read Zen stuff here and there, a few books by Chogyam Trungpa.. a smattering of other things, and very informal practice on my part. Also always had a hard time keeping the fifth precept..if we are being honest.
Only in the last few years have I starting sitting with others, and really come to the realization I could use a teacher. So I have spent some time at a Zen place near me. I really enjoyed my time there, but simply feel that the place, and possibly Zen itself is just not for me. I thought that I needed the austerity, now I am not so sure.
I went to a Tibetan sangha here, did a Green Tara meditation, and I really got something out of it..far more than I would have expected, and I think i want to "try this place out" for lack of a better term, it looks wonderful on a number of levels. Finding a place to regularly practice weekly, with a teacher of some sort is especially important to me because I am the father of two kids, for whom I am primary childcare, so if I ever have time in this lifetime for some kind of retreat..it will not be until they are much older!
Two things, firstly I feel odd, and like a bit of flake for leaving the place I was at and trying something new. On the one hand it seems like the right decision intuitively, but I don't want to just hop from place to place either, I know practice is difficult, and I don't want to be (or appear to possible teachers) as someone that is just "trying things on" until i find something that requires less effort on my part.
In addition, I am unclear as to whether I should formally "leave" the place I was sitting, I have not been active there for some time, but I'm not sure whether formally saying goodbye would be insulting/upsetting or a good thing to do.
Any advice would be appreciated.
"Just as a lotus does not grow out of a well-levelled soil but from the mire, in the same way the awakening mind
is not born in the hearts of disciples in whom the moisture of attachment has dried up. It grows instead in the hearts of ordinary sentient beings who possess in full the fetters of bondage." -Se Chilbu Choki Gyaltsen