Im really glad you wrote this. I can't diagnose you, but it's possible you might be developing schizophrenia, or another another disorder of the brain/nervous system. If that is the case, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to solve it yourself. You sound like you think these symptoms are the result of some kind of weakness or flaw that you have. If a friend of yours developed a brain tumor, would you say they should treat themselves? Well, some mental illnesses are caused by physical changes in the brain--not tumors--but just as serious. Untreated schizophrenia or bipolar disorder can be fatal, and we can already see that you are considering suicide. Anti-psychotics, if you need them, are much better than they once were, they have much fewer side effects.
It is important to note that many societies considered hearing voices as a gift. In most tribal societies you could have been a shaman and attained a relative position of authority.
I am sorry ghosto1, but it seems you misunderstood what I meant. The effect of an episode is not judged by what others "see" and how they react to what they "see", but what happens to you. You cannot hide your episode from yourself. If you lose "control" or "awareness" of the fact that the voices are just your thoughts then YOU will suffer the episode, as a consequence of which... The unfortunate consequences of having an episode and being hospitalised because of it, are nothing in comparison to the consequences the episode will have on your mind. It will make Dharma practice impossible.
Thus, a bit of advice on the "voices" (which can be the mindstreams of "others"): do not try to engage in conversation or interaction, do observe in non-reactivity; do not try to analyze or understand the content of what they relate, merely allow it to pass like any thought; do not think of any as a 'teacher' in the classic sense, but in the same sense that your foes are your best teachers.
if they are being "rational" then it's hard to see where the conflict arises - is it possible that something requires resolution? If they are very critical of you, is it possible that you actually feel the same way and have not really accepted that?
My own personal experience with such phenomena would be to say that they are making a demand and that it is only by listening and understanding that they will subside - to ask yourself what it would take to satisfy their demand?
ghost01 wrote:It's not really like that, more often then not listening to them only is harmful, more or less they just lie, they play games and the point is always to be hurtful.
viniketa wrote:ghost01 wrote:It's not really like that, more often then not listening to them only is harmful, more or less they just lie, they play games and the point is always to be hurtful.
ghost01 - Is it possible to listen and not feel hurt, not mind the lies, not play in the game?
ghost01 wrote:viniketa wrote:ghost01 wrote:It's not really like that, more often then not listening to them only is harmful, more or less they just lie, they play games and the point is always to be hurtful.
ghost01 - Is it possible to listen and not feel hurt, not mind the lies, not play in the game?
No. It's one or the other.
In this case, your plan of using sheer willpower to overcome the "voices" seems to be even more dangerous. I, personally, fear for your mental integrity and your life under these circumstances. Might it be possible, instead, to use your will power to brave the health care system and resist the attempts of prejudicial diagnosis, remaining in the system long enough to find a good doctor and possible helpful medications? They are there, but one has to "kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince". In other words, use your determination to cure yourself to help you navigate the system rather than be swallowed by it.
ghost01 wrote:I will be fine, contemplating suicide is a natural reaction to overwhelming mental pain, but I will never actually do it, because I want to live.
ghost01 wrote:I have been having issues for a long time now, and honestly I don't know why I am posting this here except for the fact I have shared this with no-one else. In some ways I am at my wits ends, and something has to change I'm really just not sure what.
I am extraordinarily hesitant to post this because of the stigma associated with mental illness, and I have not even told any of my closest friends or family. And I would like to ask in advance for permission to have this post deleted after I have received some advice.
My problems mostly stem from the fact I have a bunch of voices in my head. Rather that I can't seem to force myself to admit they are my own thoughts and not some external entity/s. My reasons of course seem well examined to me, but I'm sure there's reasonable arguments against my logic as well.
The thing that doesn't measure up to me, is that the voices are mostly extraordinarily coherent, and intelligible and as much as I have looked I can't seem to 'tie' them to my own will, or train of thoughts. I can be fully engaged in thinking about something and lo-and-behold there's a voice speaking like another person in my mind. (these are not auditory hallucinations, they are thoughts).
Of course I have also reasoned there is no 'me', or 'them', merely thoughts and my labeling them me and other is the source of the problem, but there is a huge difference in knowing this and experiencing it.
Also when I am going to sleep it really seems to get worse, there is just this static of what seems like random sentences, lots of people talking and random vivid images.. often times of scary faces etc. Occasionally it will persist all night long into my sleep, and I will get woken up by them constantly and be extremely agitated.
I am not interested in seeing a psychiatrist or taking anti-psychotics, mostly because I want to solve this issue myself and be done with it for good.
The main issue is that at times it becomes so frustrating because I can't control it, and often can't ignore them. Some of them do taunt me and if I let it affect me it just spirals down to the point where I get so depressed and angry I can't even leave my bed. My anger has gotten so out of control over it at times I have just wanted to end it, honestly. There is no way to describe the anger/depression except to call it literal hell.
There of course have been helpful voices which have given me ways to deal with it, but often times I just can't put this advice into practice, and I know writing this how absurd it seems, obviously I should be locked in a white room with a straight jacket on, but hey that's life.
I am just looking for advice, maybe from someone who has experienced something similar, and/or some outside perspective.. It's not easy dealing with something like this alone, so.. Thanks.
Don't control. Don't listen. Don't ignore. Go higher to the empty-awareness. I say this very seriously to you, because you still are coherent enough for reasoning. These appearances appear automatically. This is the fundamental nature of mind for everyone. If you give them attention, you give them individuality and then they can come alive. Let them be free, like children playing in the yard, and you be like the grandfather swinging in the hammock, knowing they are there, but not paying attention to their silly games.
There is a buddhist story about a guy who was haunted by a demon every night,
and he asked a master what to do about it.
the master told him to grab a handful of beans and put them in a bowl
and then when the demon appeared, to ask the demon how many beans were in the bowl.
So the guy put the beans in a bowl and went to sleep and that night when the demon appeared he asked the demon how many beans are in the bowl but the demon couldn't answer and after that never came back.
So the point is that the demon didn't know because the guy didn't know.
The demon was a manifestation of the guy's mind.
You know that these voices are a manifestation of your mind.
but the voices don't know that!!!
So how can you prove it to them?
deepbluehum wrote:Don't control. Don't listen. Don't ignore. Go higher to the empty-awareness. I say this very seriously to you, because you still are coherent enough for reasoning. These appearances appear automatically. This is the fundamental nature of mind for everyone. If you give them attention, you give them individuality and then they can come alive. Let them be free, like children playing in the yard, and you be like the grandfather swinging in the hammock, knowing they are there, but not paying attention to their silly games.
Without clairvoyance, we cannot work for other sentient beings - Khunu Lama
Suddenly you will know the different knowledge without study - Thog-'bebs
One may now accomplish the welfare and instruction of all sentient beings, spontaneously and without effort, by simply being, that is to say, by manifesting one's enlightened nature through spontaneously emanating an infinity of Nirmanakaya manifestations - Vajranatha
I don't think hearing voices is bad in of itself. it matters what the voices are saying. As I told a French friend "At least [Joan of Arc] heard God and not the Devil"Johnny Dangerous wrote:I know a couple voice hearers who are completely sane, while this is often associated with Schizophrenia etc, I think there might be a fair number of people who are otherwise "normal" that hear voices.
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