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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:16 am 
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Deal All,

Here is my circumstance. I'm going through a third divorce to a woman I loved very much. She left me as I have an autoimmune condition which causes me chronic pain, depression, and makes me look pretty ugly as well.

I am a lot of pain and life looks pretty bleak most of the time. My father committed suicide and I feel very lost to.

Any advice on practices would be most appreciated.

VH


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:17 am 
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Help other people.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:25 am 
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You should definitely do long life practice and you must visit a doctor of Tibetan medicine.

We can face hard times but we must keep a positive attitude. Life is precious and rare, especially in the human realm. Now is the time to make the most of it. Also, stay active and walk or exercize outdoors every day.

Kevin

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:01 pm 
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I found "Full Catastrophe Living" by Kabat -Zinn very useful - he uses Buddhist meditation techniques to help people live with the kind of conditions you suffer from. Cured me of a chronic sinus headache, and helps me deal with tinnitus. I'm also a lot more upbeat. I also admire the writings of certain Tibetan monks - Ricard's "Happiness" might be a good starting point for you, I found it very helpful.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 3:37 pm 
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I'm sorry you are suffering so much. Chronic pain and loss are very, very challenging teachers. I would definitely second the Kabat-Zin recommendation. Also, do you have a teacher who you could speak to, and who could recommend specific practices?

I would also agree with the suggestion to help others. When life seems unbearable, and you feel you have nothing to give, extending a helping hand can seem a big ask, but quickly becomes a joy. If you are housebound, online forums may work for you, for example. But it is also helpful to be amongst others, to connect. And remember that generating the wish to be able to help others can be powerfully positive.

May you be peaceful, and free from pain. :namaste:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 4:53 pm 
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Quote:
Any advice on practices would be most appreciated.


All of them.
Do everything you can, as often as possible.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:48 pm 
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I looked back over other posts that you have made recently to get a sense of your background. I noted about a month ago you were thinking about taking refuge as a Buddhist formally after 30 years of uncommitted involvement in the Dharma. If you haven't done it already, I would really recommend it.

You are at a critical point in this life. This making of a connection -- like a lifeline -- with the Triple Gems could be a critical right of passage. Here you are... the whole process of seeking what you want and trying to avoid what you don't want is coming apart at the seams. This is the time of Buddha. But, you already know that.

Refuge is like butter. It makes any practice you do be richer and taste better. Why? Because you are not holding back with part of your mind uncommitted.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:15 pm 
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Might I recommend Tong len too?

In appreciating/experiencing the pain of others, our own pain becomes somehow easier to experience.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:28 pm 
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Sorry for suggesting a Theravada method in a Mahayana forum, but Metta meditation would not only be easy for you to do but also reap benefits faster. If you shower kindness towards every being that you encounter (human, animal, bird, insect etc) while walking by the street, then your mind will be filled with good thoughts. You dont need to prepare a cushion, set specific time and sit on lotus posture (although these will only add to the benefits) to practice this.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 5:33 am 
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Tonglen to generate Bodhicitta.

It's helped a lot with my depression.

Also, it cures diseases.

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-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra

"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."

-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 7:24 pm 
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Konchog1 wrote:
Tonglen to generate Bodhicitta.

It's helped a lot with my depression.

Also, it cures diseases.


Hello Konchog. I am suffering from depression. How has doing tonglen helped you?
:thanks:
Lise


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 4:47 am 
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I don't do much tong len but it do get some metta meditation in. The advantage of either is that they both get you outside of your own concerns for a while.

All forms of meditation that I have tried increase mindfulness which gives the practioner a chance to observe the internal mental disturbances as they arise and choose new mental directions. I wouldn't call it a cure but it's a substantial help.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:49 am 
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Oh yes! Then just some simple words I maybe can add:

If we identify us with physical pain, the pain becomes stronger, harder and we helpless are lost in it. We are lost in the thoughts about which are having effects on our breath and our whole condition.
Therefore thoughts are like wind, pain is not ours but like a storm or so. Don't fixate on thoughts, don't get stuck in thoughts, remain out painful thoughts/painful feelings; watch all of them like not yours from a bit distance.
The thoughts who get no attention by being involved in them, will lose their power, vanish. This is helping in compassion to own being. :smile:

You can also visualize the pain as a suffering child and embrace it warmly; say eventually don't worry, I am here. Same for sadness, we comfort by love the sad child within us. See what happens then: sad shivering being, now vanished in comfortable warm sunshine.

Then pain can also be an exercise in empathy, compassion, knowing other beings are suffering in same way. Some are in poor countries, having no medicines and no care, are possible abandonned by their family and have even no good food.
A prayer: may by this experienced pain, others' pain be less.

Make others happy. :smile:

Pain can be a strong reminder to practice genuinely Dharma.

It is all impermanent, but when we wish the pain goes away, then we suffer from that hope right now. It will pass, sure.
Don't identify; simple words, great release.

Warmth. :anjali:

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 2:53 pm 
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Vajrahorizon, regarding calm aware of pain and pleasure and further meditation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H5Jufpm ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SD00sNYi ... re=related

:namaste:

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:54 am 
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Quote:
All forms of meditation that I have tried increase mindfulness which gives the practioner a chance to observe the internal mental disturbances as they arise and choose new mental directions. I wouldn't call it a cure but it's a substantial help.


Pain . . . don't you just luv it?
No? :consoling:

Then . . take it . . . transform it . . .
Share the transformation. :thanks:

You want a list of my ailments and difficulties? :jawdrop:

http://www.dharma-haven.org/tibetan/meditation.htm

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:47 am 
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How people offer help! :namaste:

Also one should not be too hard and have compassion for the body, the mind in torments. Therefore a doctor, a kind ear to talk to, a warm heart should never be underestimated!

Since in waves of strong pain in which the body is experienced as "me" and in waves of sadness in which the thinking mind is seen as "me", it is not so easy to come out by pushing oneself to be a great meditator like people use to say: come on, grow up...since that is ego as well. Macho ego, no wisdom. :tongue:

Like is said here, remain mindful, then that mindfulness itself sees that the pain and sadness are growing in thoughts, getting power there. Remain mindfulness itself, not thought is there been thaught. Two cents I share. The meditation by Mingyur Rinpoche is a daily help.

Thoughts are clouds, the mindfulness is peaceful sky - space. :anjali:

May no body, no mind suffer. May all have the fortune to meet a good guiding teacher.

Here some info about calm abiding. http://www.plotinus.com/zhine_tibetan_d ... a_copy.htm

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