vietnamese wedding problem

[freakpower70]

So, my Vietnamese girlfriend and I are starting to discuss marriage and we get to the part about the traditional gifts I am to offer her family which include a roast pig. Being a vegetarian I inform her there is no way I am gifting a roast pig and she exclaims that it is traditional and I would not have to eat the pig. But still, I cannot do it. I want to respect the importance of these traditions but I need a solution that makes both side happy. There must be one, after all practicing Vietnamese Buddhists are vegetarian. Anyone know of a solution that keeps things traditional as possible?

Thanks
Fp

[David N. Snyder]

Is she Buddhist? If yes, you could explain that you want to follow the First Precept.

[Yudron]

So, my Vietnamese girlfriend and I are starting to discuss marriage and we get to the part about the traditional gifts I am to offer her family which include a roast pig. Being a vegetarian I inform her there is no way I am gifting a roast pig and she exclaims that it is traditional and I would not have to eat the pig. But still, I cannot do it. I want to respect the importance of these traditions but I need a solution that makes both side happy. There must be one, after all practicing Vietnamese Buddhists are vegetarian. Anyone know of a solution that keeps things traditional as possible?

Thanks
Fp

Wow! What a great question.

You know, I'm a vegetarian, too. I have a weird suggestion: just give the roast pig. It sounds like the pig has a huge symbolic significance to her and her family. You are setting the tone for the whole marriage to come, and from time to time both you and she will have to "offer a roast pig," meaning you will do things you don't want to do for the sake of your spouses feelings. Keeping sentient beings happy, and not upsetting their minds, is part of all schools of Buddhism.

[Quiet Heart]

Go to her PARENTS....maybe using her as a traslator...and explain that although you respect their traditions, as a Buddhist you are a vegetarian and the killing of animals for food is not acceptable to you.
Offer instead to make a denation of a sum of money to the family equal to the cost of the pig...let them use it for whatever they want....including a pig if they so choose.
But ask them...if there is a wedding feast...please let there be only vegetarian food for yourself.
Do this politely of course.
You might be surprised....it might gain you a lot of status with the parents also.

[freakpower70]

Sorry it has taken me some time to get respond.

David, she is a buddhist... but very much a non practicing buddhist. Your suggestion is deffinitly something I should bring up though.

Yudron, I am willing to respect many of the cultural aspects of a vietnamese wedding but it is my wedding too and personally I feel like the offering of a dead pig for the event that is supposed to celebrate our love would be a little... well I am not comfortable with the idea.

Quiet Heart, I have not yet met the parents and they do not know we are discussing marriage.

I tried to do a wee bit of research on the subject, but info in a language I understand is slim for now.

In any case I thank you all for your responses.

[David N. Snyder]

David, she is a buddhist... but very much a non practicing buddhist. Your suggestion is deffinitly something I should bring up though.

Okay, then next question: Is she a vegetarian? If not, then you will need to get used to seeing many roast pigs.

[freakpower70]

David, while seeing an entire roast pig has always been more of a shock to my senses than a steak of some shrimp I realised what I was getting into when I began dating this woman. My main issue rests as stated, that me giving the whole roast pig as a gift for the future marriage would kind of put a damper on the celebrations.

I think I may look up a vietnamese temple in my area to ask them for advice.

[Yudron]

Sorry it has taken me some time to get respond.

David, she is a buddhist... but very much a non practicing buddhist. Your suggestion is deffinitly something I should bring up though.

Yudron, I am willing to respect many of the cultural aspects of a vietnamese wedding but it is my wedding too and personally I feel like the offering of a dead pig for the event that is supposed to celebrate our love would be a little... well I am not comfortable with the idea.

Quiet Heart, I have not yet met the parents and they do not know we are discussing marriage.

I tried to do a wee bit of research on the subject, but info in a language I understand is slim for now.

In any case I thank you all for your responses.

I was thinking a pig is bought off the shelf for this purpose, but now I am thinking a pig is slaughtered specifically for your actual wedding, as part of the lead up to the wedding. Then, I agree with you, you should not go along with with it. I would just be very very soft, loving and sincere when talking with your fiance about it. Killing specifically done in both your names is negative karma and can only bring suffering to you at some point in the future.