Wow, I just discovered this forum today, and I think that I can provide you some clues.
I hope that I'm not too late, and that you are still alive.
The first point is that you are totally free to commit suicide, don't bother about karma or other things.
You have to realize that life is a long serie of lessons, and I believe that you didn't have much lessons to learn at the time you wrote.
Lessons in life can be of various orders (living, encountering, suffering).
In your case, I think that you really need to experiment with your body, so I recommend sex (enjoy sex with your partner, by giving pleasure but not seeking it) and health (listen to your body, and take care of it).
The second point is that you totally lack of meaning in your life.
I recommend you to read "Man's Search for Meaning" from Viktor Frankl. I won't describe what's in the book, but it will change your point of view about life.
Also, check youtube's videos about Viktor.
The third point is that you need to have social relationships.
The Dalai Lama explains that all humans need social relationships to flourish.
We need to collaborate, not to compete (and you seem to compete alone).
The fourth point is that you are wrong about your practice, you cannot enlighten with (only) meditation !
Zen masters become enlightened after years of mind's focusing, and an external feedback gives them the light.
Meditation will only provide you a way to focus your mind.
In fact, enlightment is easy to achieve (I did it in 2 weeks of practice), but difficult to maintain, because the mind is in the way, and we need to unlearn all our acquired conceptions.
When meditating, you master your breath, but when you stop meditating, your breath returns to its chaotic state.
Thus you want to remain in your controlled state, but this is not enlightment !
I like to describe the search process as:
1) put all your mind on your search, with all your soul
2) stop your search, forget it
3) you'll get what you searched
Some people are very stubborn and believe that effort is necessary, but effort just hinders their search.
The fifth point is that the state of "wanting to die", as strangely as it seems, is a very good news, because you could break your mind easily.
In fact, some masters simulated their death to enlighten.
Here are 2 experiences:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramana_Maharshihttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eckhart_Tolle
And finally, as I'm a nice guy, I recommend you this book:http://www.sriramanamaharshi.org/downloads/who_am_I.pdf
Good luck !