beautiful breath wrote:
The issue has been (and still is) an impetus to subscribe to one tradition only. I am simply not structured to dip in a bit of both.
Make aspirations for the signs to arise to show you which tradition is best for you. These signs will probably come in the form of teacher(s) and/or sangha. In the meantime, do your best practicing whichever techniques you like.
If you're not under the guidance of a teacher, the notion of "choosing one tradition" is practically meaningless anyway. Your only real power here is aspiration. If you're really not sure, and the issue is about choosing a tradition, don't you see how you are powerless and the choice is meaningless - because it comes from dualistic mind, whose habit is to go back and forth, back and forth, meanwhile driving you crazy. If your dualistic habit wasn't ruminating on which tradition to choose, it would be driving you crazy about something else. Use this as an opportunity to gain insight and compassion for how the dualistic mind functions. All dharma is good dharma - you know that. At the point at which you choose your tradition definitively, the choice will be so obvious that it won't even be a choice. So please stop beating yourself up! Make aspirations for clarity, and for all the conditions to arise for your practice to be the best it can be. And practice the paramita of patience with yourself - don't pressure yourself to choose something, when the choice ultimately isn't yours to make at all!!! Seriously wishing you the best.
Also - I rejoice in your practice. Imagine if every human being on this planet had even half of your discipline, sincerity, inspiration, willingness to practice dharma, etc. We'd be living in a utopia.
OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA