I am pretty new to meditation, but I have a really personal question and feedback would be greatly beneficial!
First a little background info...
I don't have a teacher, but am continuously trying to improve my personal meditation practice. My boyfriend, however is really experienced in meditation and is a teacher himself, though he is not too invested in my practice, and that's the way I prefer it. I don't want to muddle my budding spirituality and our relationship together, lest something come between us. We talk about anything I bring up, but haven't meditated together since we were in the "just friends" place. That being said, I rarely experience anything like the meditations we had together.
The personal question: Lately my boyfriend has been less interested in sex, and he has explained to me that he doesn't want to use up his kundalini energy, because it depletes him, and he'd rather save up some of his sexual energy for meditation. We have sex most every time we see each other, but he is just not as excitable and (here's the embarrassing part) he doesn't seem too interested in pleasuring me anymore. The last time we had sex, he seemed so tired afterwards... I don't know if I really am depleting him of needed energy and being selfish or if he is losing interest! I wish I could say this isn't bothering me, but I am scared he has lost interest. We were on vacation in an "energetic hot spot" and had sex everyday, but it honestly felt like he wasn't himself in that way...he wasn't as excitable as normal, and he actually told me a few times "Sometimes I don't feel like it". He tells me all the time how attracted he is to me, and he is completely present in other ways, and the most kind and thoughtful man I could imagine. I've never experienced a man rejecting sex, and I am starting to feel like a creep for wanting it when he doesn't. Not only this, but it brings up questions like: is he focusing this energy on someone else? I have not changed physically, and lately we have only been closer emotionally. He knows I am worried about these things, and I don't want to keep bringing it up to him, because no matter how many times he reassures me, I still have these questions. It isn't that I have reasons to distrust him, but rather that we are still building trust in each other and this whole rejection of sex is uncharted territory for me.
I suppose there isn't a specific question in there, but if anyone has thoughts or can help me understand something regarding it, I would appreciate any feedback! I know this is the internet, where immaturity spreads like a virus, but I hope asking this question in this forum will not bring immature comments.