Meditation breakthrough

Anything goes (almost).

Meditation breakthrough

Postby catmoon » Sun Jul 29, 2012 7:04 am

The oldest texts describe meditation in terms of progression through the eight jhana states. This has become something of a lost tradition, due to a dilemma that faces all meditators. With eyes open, jhana is very difficult to achieve. With eyes closed, one usually loses the alertness required. After much experimentation, I have finally found the solution. Allow me to take this opportunity to invite you to participate in a meditation program that will really push the envelope, practically forcing enlightenment through a dramatic test of personal self attachment while completely defeating the obstructions of drowsiness and distraction.

In the Catmoon Eyes Closed Running Meditation Course, you and other participants will be whisked into the Pitt Lake Wilderness area by helicopter, to our secluded meditation lodge and infirmary situated in some of the most dramatic topography the world has to offer. Sweeping vistas, snow-capped mountains, waterfalls, ravines, cliffs, unstable scree slopes, abundant wildlife (mosty cougars and bears, but wolverines have been sighted) and deadfalls provide the means to keep your mind in a state of razor edge sharpness as you dash straight to Nirvana down winding trails, all while completely blindfolded! For the Zen sudden enlightenment types, we have a special route up the slopes of an active volcano, past actual lava pools and gas-belching fumaroles. Though none of the participants has completed this course yet, we have good reason to believe that they all currently reside in the Pure Lands at the very least. For the gradualists, we again make use of the local helicopter service, this time for medivac purposes, so you can try again and again until you gradually attain enlightenment. Participants in the gradual course have unanimously agreed that it an intensely healing experience. Some of them have continued this healing process for months, even years after finishing the course!

Now, we freely admit that this course is not for the faint of heart. But if you have goals and intend to achieve them, if you will not accept defeat, if you know that where there are no guts there is no glory, this is the course for you.


All major credit cards accepted. Payment in full must be received prior to the commencement of classes.
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
User avatar
catmoon
Former staff member
 
Posts: 2916
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:20 am
Location: British Columbia

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby plwk » Sun Jul 29, 2012 11:20 am

Image
plwk
 
Posts: 2456
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 10:41 am

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby dharmagoat » Sun Jul 29, 2012 8:06 pm

catmoon wrote:Now, we freely admit that this course is not for the faint of heart. But if you have goals and intend to achieve them, if you will not accept defeat, if you know that where there are no guts there is no glory, this is the course for you.

I'm in! Where do I sign up?

Are there goat trails?
User avatar
dharmagoat
 
Posts: 993
Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:39 pm

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby catmoon » Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:14 am

dharmagoat wrote:
catmoon wrote:Now, we freely admit that this course is not for the faint of heart. But if you have goals and intend to achieve them, if you will not accept defeat, if you know that where there are no guts there is no glory, this is the course for you.

I'm in! Where do I sign up?

Are there goat trails?


Sorry, but this is not an appropriate course for goats. The Pitt Lake Wilderness area is mountain goat country, and we would not want you to be waylaid by wild ladygoats.

We have, however, obtained approximate co-ordinates for the nearest Pureland and are in the process of constructing a long range delivery system for aspirants of the caprine persuasion. You might want to Googe this project, it's listed under "Pitt Lake Goat Cannon Project".
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
User avatar
catmoon
Former staff member
 
Posts: 2916
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:20 am
Location: British Columbia

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby Tashi Yang Zong » Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:16 pm

just had to bring this to the top of the threads again...brilliant...
Tashi Yang Zong
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2012 11:52 pm
Location: far North New Zealand

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby greentara » Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:55 am

Catmoon, I know this is tongue in cheek and sounds advdenturous and interesting ! Perhaps ripe for reality TV. Elitist as well as one can only be flown in....well plebs need not apply. Maybe puja, japa, tapas, pilgrimages etc., in a proper manner, such person would get sadhu sangh. That is, a teacher would appear on his own for him.
greentara
 
Posts: 891
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:03 am

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby catmoon » Sun Nov 11, 2012 4:36 am

greentara wrote:Catmoon, I know this is tongue in cheek and sounds advdenturous and interesting ! Perhaps ripe for reality TV. Elitist as well as one can only be flown in....well plebs need not apply. Maybe puja, japa, tapas, pilgrimages etc., in a proper manner, such person would get sadhu sangh. That is, a teacher would appear on his own for him.


Elitist? Not really, it's just that the area entirely composed of up and down. Hikers wear parachutes around here. There's no left or right anywhere and precious little forward and back. If you wanted to build a road in, you'd have to tunnel the entire distance. However there is a Zen tradition of tunnel-building, and a Tibetan tradition of Ngondro. We are working with a lama and a roshi to combine the two so those who feel the need to prepare for the course can spend a decade or two on the tunnelling crews.

Our engineering consultants tell us the rock is thoroughly fractured from the surface to about a mile down. This means there will be all kinds of collapses, implosions, gas leaks, fires and flooding. There is a lot of radon trapped down there due to the presence of significant uranium deposits too. These are just the sort of challenges our target demographic cherishes so deeply. And the Chinese are willing to pay a very pretty penny for the uranium, too.
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
User avatar
catmoon
Former staff member
 
Posts: 2916
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:20 am
Location: British Columbia

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby Tashi Yang Zong » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:10 pm

I reckon I've been there!!!
Tashi Yang Zong
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2012 11:52 pm
Location: far North New Zealand

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby tomamundsen » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:16 pm

Shut up and take my money!
User avatar
tomamundsen
 
Posts: 539
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 2:50 am
Location: San Diego, CA

Re: Meditation breakthrough

Postby lowlydog » Wed Nov 14, 2012 1:33 am

You are a twisted little kitty, but after the week I've had, sign me up. Can I get a deal if I pay cash? :anjali:
lowlydog
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:50 pm


Return to Lounge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

>