Celibacy

[AdmiralJim]

Hi guys,
I decided not too long ago that I am probably going to go for ordination. However I have a bank loan to pay off in the meantime, I thought that I should try to be celibate in the meantime to see if I can actually cope with it. I would like some advice from perhaps those who are already ordained, in terms of practical tips how to remain celibate.

[Virgo]

Well, to start, your gonna want to stay away from the women. That means mentally too, as in no fantasising. Why? Everytime the chitta has contact with the thought of a beatiful partner, it accumulates, and then, when you wake up in the middle of the night, it is a lot harder to not break your vow. Lust is a fire, and you don't want to feed it at all. You must keep the flames low burning. Guard your six sense doors so you do not receive any stimulation that might arouse you through them, whether it be visual, olfactory, mental, or whatever. Also, don't eat too much and don't eat onions.

Kevin

[dharmagoat]

Stay busy. It is all about maintaining focus.

[duckfiasco]

We usually only notice lust in its grossest form, but like every other effect that's blatant enough for us to see, it has causes that are themselves effects of more and more subtle causes. You can disarm this process at any point with mindfulness, but the trick is knowing what you're looking for, and having the energy to see through it.

As was said, little glances here and there, flirtatious talk, a split-second daydream, these all can snowball.

I have a real problem with flirting and getting carried away by lust. It used to undermine friendships or at least make them have an uncomfortable undercurrent of sexual tension all the time. It's more under control now, but still a work in process. I've also found viewing all people as your family members helps a lot, as well as fostering warmheartedness towards them

Also, depending on how strong your lust is, you may fall on your face over and over and over in your attempt. Lust has a way of flaring up unexpectedly and sweeping you away. Only a few moments may pass between chanting om mani padme hung and pleasuring yourself All the more reason to be mindful of your warning signs/thoughts or triggers, and coolly see them for what they are.

I remember a story of a person suffering greatly from lust asking either the Buddha or a master for advice, and he said to notice the cool and warm feelings in the body. There may be a strong electric feeling in your loins that is really largely a mental preoccupation. Imagining that warmth spreading back out through the body helps cool the fire.

So yeah, just be mindful, and especially be kind with yourself when you fail. Guilt didn't do a single thing for me for 10 years. Now, gentle patience and persistent mindfulness has been bearing modest fruit.

Good luck!!

[Andrew108]

Hi guys,
I decided not too long ago that I am probably going to go for ordination. However I have a bank loan to pay off in the meantime, I thought that I should try to be celibate in the meantime to see if I can actually cope with it. I would like some advice from perhaps those who are already ordained, in terms of practical tips how to remain celibate.

I guess you will be ordaining within the Tibetan monastic tradition? If you are young then I think you will experience a lot of problems holding the vow of celibacy. The institution into which you ordain is very important in helping you maintain your vows. If I were to be a renunciate then I would ordain within the Theravadan tradition. The reason being that the daily routines and practice schedules and focus is on renunciation and the formal adoption and maintenance of vows. Within the Tibetan tradition it is somewhat more flexible and this can lead to breakdowns in discipline. It's not just about keeping celibacy but there are a whole host of other rules that one maintains. The maintenance of the rules is the core of the practice.
In a monastic situation purification of vow transgressions is very important. You cannot be a monk by yourself. You need a sangha for the purification of transgressions to work. The sangha that is best for this type of situation is a Theravadan sangha. I don't know if you were thinking of ordaining at Samye Ling but I remember visiting there and seeing monks working in the tea and gift shop and so on. This was some years ago so maybe it's changed. But anyway if you want to be a renunciate then I would suggest going the whole way and training within the Therevadan tradition. My prejudice is that I respect and revere Theravadan monks but not really monks ordained within the Tibetan tradition.

[seeker242]

Practical! Keep in mind that even the most beautiful people have nasty foul smelling diarrhea, puss, urine, snot, bile, phlegm. They have some nasty farts too. Disgusting really. One day they will be a dead and bloated corpse. Who wants that, that's nasty. But if you chose to ignore the foul dying body. What do you get from indulging in lust? A temporary good feeling that last for only a moment and is then gone and nothing at all has changed... All of that energy spent...for nothing! What a waste.

[greentara]

It may be a hard task initially but is it possible to view all women as your mother?

[catmoon]

It may be a hard task initially but is it possible to view all women as your mother?

Not only that, it seems it is possible to regard all people as your kind mothers, at least in the sense that in one lifetime or another, that has been the case. One caveat though, I've heard some prominent teachers mention that the success of this method relies somewhat on a good relationship with your mother. If your Mom was someone you never really liked or got along with, its a much more difficult practice and it may be wise to select another path..

[viniketa]

A modest beginning might be to abstain from all non-responsible sex. Before engaging in any sexual relationship, ask yourself these two questions: Is there any way in which a sentient being may be harmed by this action? In what way does this action benefit all sentient beings? If those questions cannot be answered satisfactorily, do not engage in the action. You may find that your sexual activity declines over time if you are seriously mindful of your decisions to engage in sex.

[Thrasymachus]

I do it without being ordained or trying per-say. In general I don't like other people and I don't drink, so I don't meet women or flirt with them.

[JKhedrup]

I try to view attractive women as being like family. Also when I notice an attraction I return to my breathing and try to see the attraction for what it is - a mind that arises but a moment later will pass away.
That being said, compared to many others I have had a pretty easy time with celibacy. It is definitely not my major challenge in being a monk. The major challenge for me is living in an institutional framework, not always being able to say what I think, and being able to go where I want to go when I want to. (Though people in high demand jobs might struggle with many of the same things!)