Answers from people who are married would be especially valued.
- Posts: 1119
- Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2011 6:26 pm
- Location: Mudhole? Slimy? My home, this is.
Adumbra wrote:I was wondering about what everyone's opinion here is about a married person having a friendship with a member of the opposite sex --Assuming that neither is attracted to the other in the least. My opinion on the matter is that it just isn't possible.
Life trumps your opinion. 100% perfectly possible in my case. Also, being attracted to one's friend really need not be a problem at all.
Btw, your premise is that marriage must and should mean perfect monogamy. It works for some; for others it doesn't.
You're also assuming everyone married is heterosexual . . .
Depends on the husband, depends on the wife, depends on the friend, depends on the strength of the marriage etc.
It's not okay if it harms the marriage and okay if it does not.
-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra
"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."
-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats
As a Buddhist we must face reality. The reality is that attraction to other people will happen, to you and to them. The reality is that most people have had sex with other people before you. The reality is that most people (in the polls that have been taken) admit to cheating at least once. But attraction is magnetism at its purest level. Its just a magnetic pull. Using methods of internal transformation we can turn that magnetic energy into compassionate energy, into joy, into brotherly/sisterly love. That energy becomes charged with sexuality when we begin to direct it at the other person with thoughts of desire for them.
Jealousy is also one of the five poisons that can be transformed into one of the five wisdoms if we allow the feelings of jealousy to self liberate.
In short, yes, people should be free to have whatever friends they choose.
It's incredibly limiting to see all male/female relationships though the fisheye lens of sex. We fundamentally need the balance, the yin/yang, the emptiness/skillful means that our opposite gender brings to us. And then, of course, there's the Dakini.
I've been married for almost 20 years, incidentally.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Wayfarer, Yahoo [Bot] and 22 guests