DeepFriedFunk wrote:Hey everyone,
I'm currently 23... I have had problems with addiction for around three years now, luckily I had the intelligence to know something had to be done. A year and a half I moved back home and started to sort my life out. I gave up everything. I have had relapses but i got straight back on the straight and narrow after a few days. This is one of them times.
To be honest though... I have been living in fear of what could happen. I have avoided going out, I have just kept a small close group of friends. I cant meet a girlfriend. I avoid finding work because it's easier to not work than to loose it after a binge. I look to my future and all I can ssee are problems. I have tried to kill myself on several occasions and i cant even do that. I'm powerless even over when my life ends.
I cannot and will not grow up to be a waste of a person. A waste of a beautiful human rebirth. I consider myself Buddhist, i stopped eating meat. I pray and meditate daily. It does help, I just feel like a bad person because now more than ever I realize the importance of stopping, even if i wasnt and alcoholic I would be stopping the booze. I just don't know if I have a future anymore.
I really believe in the power of prayer (Buddhist prayer anyway) since being an athiest. I have seen the power of puja in my own life. Im trying, i just have to try harder. One thing I am going to do is pick my camera up again (I got really bad after a house fire with my addiction because i lost 70,000 images, it almost destroyed me)
Gulit is for Catholics, you recognised you srewed up and you are trying your hardest not to screw up again. What else can a person do?DeepFriedFunk wrote:Letting go of the guilt is the hardest part of all of this process.
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