I was going to give you permission to take a different path. But Kim has given much better advice.
When we start looking at reality, sometimes we just don't like what we see. If it has caused alienation, then perhaps you should find an experienced meditation teacher in some Buddhist tradition with which to discuss it.
Who knows? Maybe it can come to be moderated into a useful insight, under the tutelage of the right teacher.
And if you don't wish to pursue that path, then, as has been pointed out, there is a very rewarding form of lay practice that you can take up. I wouldn't be surprised if that's just what you need.