Form Plus Emptiness

Form Plus Emptiness

Postby JamesNewell » Tue May 27, 2014 4:09 pm

Below is a poem I wrote about a meditation that developed while I was walking to the post office. The crumbling asphalt produced an awareness of impermanence and so forth.

The problem is that neither the experience nor the poem about it caused me to become enlightened. Also, I posted the poem on a couple of message boards and it didn't enlighten anyone else.

So for a possible next step, what would need to be tweaked in the poem for it to enlighten others who read it?

Form Plus Emptiness

As I walk the hintings
Of the crumbling asphalt,
The sky is tinted
With consciousness itself.

It is like
Moonlight added to the day,
Bird chirps become bright crystals
Scattered in the silence
Of a heard air,
The mountains looking
Both solid and transparent
Simultaneously.

My love glows out
To a couple of watch dogs
Long beaten into fear biters
And they suddenly
Bark softer
And act puzzled.
JamesNewell
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 3:57 am

Re: Form Plus Emptiness

Postby lobster » Fri May 30, 2014 4:32 pm

Plus Emptiness

walk through hintings
crumbling as felt asphalt,
The sky is clear, tinted, tainted
Without consciousness itself


Moonlight added to this way
chirps become bright crystals
Scattered in silence
an air herd
the mountains
Both stolid yet transparent


My love glows out and about
a couple watching dogs
Long beaten
into fear bitten
suddenly
Bark soft
And fall away to trees

:popcorn:
User avatar
lobster
 
Posts: 952
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:06 pm

Re: Form Plus Emptiness

Postby JamesNewell » Fri May 30, 2014 8:57 pm

A very excellent reply poem. It adds another dimension.
JamesNewell
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 3:57 am


Return to Creative Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

>