Dealing with anger

Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:43 pm

Recently I have severe anger issues, reading johnny dangerous is like reading myself. I have to say I wasnt at all like this before, instead always calm and trying to understand others. But my anger conditions worsen the last year, at first it was a selfprotecting reaction to terrible peaple and so on, but then it started to have these outbursts, spontaneous and not provoked, though rare, and now its just condition limiting cruelty I am afraid. I think the severe conditions have to do with it.
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:51 pm

just to add on that I live in realy bad conditions like cold, lack or damaged food, small social support and of corse no boyfriend or girlfriend, I cannot enumerate how many times I thought I would die, and asked help, sometimes received, sometimes lies and promisses, sometimes direct humiliation. But while I think I made guts, I think I am losing faith quickly and simply becoming hateful and spiteful. I should not, but I dont know what to do
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby Nemo » Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:57 pm

Often the root of anger is anxiety.Vipasana is best to stop the cycle. Approach your fear and many of the assholes in your life magically disappear.
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby Punya » Sat Nov 02, 2013 5:45 pm

Metta or compassion for self meditations are also very helpful.
Unless the inner forces of negative emotions are conquered
Strife with outer enemies will never end.
~Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby Ayu » Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:52 pm

If you don't know how to do Vipassana or Metta meditation - then a strong and quick help in emergency is also the recitation of the "Praises to the Twenty-one Taras":
http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/ar ... y=21+Taras

They look like this:
image.jpg
image.jpg (33.32 KiB) Viewed 481 times
Because, if our mothers, who have been kind to us
From beginningless time, are suffering,
What can we do with (just) our own happiness?
From 10th of 37 Bodhisattva Practices
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby Johnny Dangerous » Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:04 am

Well since my lameness was apparently inspirational;), i'll tell you what has worked for me is self compassion. I get it in this weird cycle where it's almost like I believe I cannot stop being angry, because i've identified so much with the anger that am I now convinced it is the same as me. It helps to remember that this is one of the three poisons in action, and that if there is any "nature" to me, it's just the Buddhanature, and that is "good" for lack of a better word. So as terrible as the anger and it's outcomes are, it isn't real, and neither is the identification with it.

As far as preventing it from boiling over, for me Chenrezig practice, and then just going old school and noticing anger in the body have helped.
"Just as a lotus does not grow out of a well-levelled soil but from the mire, in the same way the awakening mind
is not born in the hearts of disciples in whom the moisture of attachment has dried up. It grows instead in the hearts of ordinary sentient beings who possess in full the fetters of bondage." -Se Chilbu Choki Gyaltsen
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby greentara » Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:22 am

"People prone to aggressive behaviour can reduce their outbursts and control their impulse to fight by using their non-dominant hand or consuming a little sugar, new research has found.

Studies presented at the University of New South Wales found the unusual treatments worked by improving the self-control of aggressive people.

''Self-control is like a muscle, so it requires an energy source - that's the sugar - and practice; that's why we ask people to use their non-dominant hand,'' said psychologist Tom Denson, the study leader and an associate professor at the university.

After the treatments, the aggressive participants felt less desire to act aggressively to others when provoked with an insult or taunt"

Nicky Phillips
Science reporter
The Age Newspaper
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby Johnny Dangerous » Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:32 am

greentara wrote:"People prone to aggressive behaviour can reduce their outbursts and control their impulse to fight by using their non-dominant hand or consuming a little sugar, new research has found.

Studies presented at the University of New South Wales found the unusual treatments worked by improving the self-control of aggressive people.

''Self-control is like a muscle, so it requires an energy source - that's the sugar - and practice; that's why we ask people to use their non-dominant hand,'' said psychologist Tom Denson, the study leader and an associate professor at the university.

After the treatments, the aggressive participants felt less desire to act aggressively to others when provoked with an insult or taunt"

Nicky Phillips
Science reporter
The Age Newspaper



Totally, I can't aim nearly as well with my left.

:D
"Just as a lotus does not grow out of a well-levelled soil but from the mire, in the same way the awakening mind
is not born in the hearts of disciples in whom the moisture of attachment has dried up. It grows instead in the hearts of ordinary sentient beings who possess in full the fetters of bondage." -Se Chilbu Choki Gyaltsen
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby duckfiasco » Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:39 am

I have experience with lots of anger, too.
The obvious effect is my temper, where usually inanimate things falling or brief physical pain like getting scratched by a cat will send me from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye.
The subtle effect is a tendency to hold onto wounds, to keep the anger going in grudges or feeling "right" to be upset with someone who hurt me.

The number one thing that has helped is vipassana, as mentioned here.
Here are some really basic directions that will help get you firmly established: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... thmed.html
Second time I've shared that link today :)

How does following the breath help?
Because a big part of anger's power is how we accept its authority. This is true of feelings in general.
When sitting, the mind always wanders, to any number of things.
Your anger or a hated person's face or story will come up.
By going back to the breath instead, even once, you start to chip away at that authority, that identification process that says "this is who I am and how I feel."
The first time the story is subverted, you may be surprised at how it disappears like smoke.
This takes practice.

How does developing concentration help?
By getting better at seeing when a thought, story, feeling, anger episode flares up in your mind during meditation out of habit, you start to see it earlier and earlier in the process.
Maybe you follow it until you notice an uncomfortable physical feeling that pulls you out of it, or noticing that suddenly your mood is shit.
Eventually with concentration's help, you see the anger before it arises, which can feel surreal.
My experience has been that the thoughts/emotions/etc. that come up are like seeds, and I'm starting to learn what will grow from them if given the sunlight and water of our attention.
Most thoughts are like rice, kind of bland and easy to let go of.
Some older stories will start to stick out like a coconut amongst the rice. You know if you give that sucker any attention, it'll shoot its tendrils into you and make you suffer.
So you go back to the breath instead, and concentration deepens even more.
This takes practice.

How does closely watching sensations in the body help?
Because as you familiarize yourself with anger and your mind in general, instead of always just watching the show, going with the flow, you notice interesting details.
Anger or distraction will often manifest with a specific physical feeling.
My eyebrows shoot up when I get distracted.
My breathing gets shallow and harsh when I get angry.
During meditation, you may even notice these sensations before you notice the cause, and you can go "ah, anger again" and release it.
After meditation in everyday life, these cues still hold true.
If you start to feel that physical giveaway that anger is bubbling up, you don't need to have the same high level of attention to notice, "tight stomach, anger is here, I need to be careful and take a few breaths."
This takes practice.

The simple act of meditating on the breath was what helped me most in managing anger and depression instead of having them manage me :P
Once you have this kind of anchor in a mental storm, it'll be easier to practice things like tonglen.
I've found that practice super helpful for releasing grudges and hatred towards other people.

Sorry that was long!
I really hope you feel better.
There are lots of wonderfully compassionate people here who can help too, so I hope you'll stick around :)
Namu Amida Butsu
The Perfect Way knows no difficulties
Except that it refuses to make preferences;
Only when freed from hate and love,
It reveals itself fully and without disguise.
- Sengcan (tr. Suzuki)
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby lobster » Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:23 am

gloriasteinem wrote:just to add on that I live in realy bad conditions like cold, lack or damaged food, small social support and of corse no boyfriend or girlfriend, I cannot enumerate how many times I thought I would die, and asked help, sometimes received, sometimes lies and promisses, sometimes direct humiliation. But while I think I made guts, I think I am losing faith quickly and simply becoming hateful and spiteful. I should not, but I dont know what to do


You live in the condition of many monks.

What does your faith, that you are losing, involve? Is it a practical faith? Would you like people here to do puja for you?
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:49 pm

hi all and thank you very much for your answers. even a few minutes after posting here I felt better, really better. The thing is not exactly fear but horror, thats what I feel esp in cold dark nights, and very long. Before I used to dream night mares but now... even return to memory of some of them as a comfort zone. Things are realy not normal here. or I become cold blooded or develop a need to be brutalized or victimized, I have very sadistic fentazies in both directions which I know is not
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:55 pm

normal. I live in this place since 3 months specificly. Also monks live in groups supporting eachother and on pure lands, that means places with highly pure energy and strong, I ve been 1 in such place though without monastery its different. its never cold, though near 0C temperatures you walk on tishurt, people with you have spiritual paths, here has nothing in common with this
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:04 pm

monks dont live in the wild because everywhere in the wild is great, it is not, it is dangerous and not pure, they live on specific places. i can tell you offices where energy is good, so whats the point. true, i also had some prior misunderstanding and thinking that energy is just great everywhere out of the cities,its not, and can be devastating, esp in lack of liquid fin resourses. and esp when there are not any near spiritualy educated people and healers like ecupresure etc.its realy dangerous
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:18 pm

thats my experience, however i realy need your suggestions but pls give some short explanation next to terminology so i could understand what you mean and propose exactly, my experience from today was like karmic whirle and i realy didnt wanted it to be, like some less of importance levels i am stuck into. i dont know if this resulted from agressive behaviour or agression comes as inability to fight degradation of experience, or both.
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:42 pm

i think going to monastery is like going to university, there is a strong collective energy that brings things in a direction, of course one has to be fit for it, but it is not like gone in the wild, there coincidentaly where a few monks and thing went just great.i think people even here around present things in such way i believe is very unfair and not true. and i also believe monasteries do not and should not alow everyone and esp sertain people to them, as a way of protection of purity but that
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:44 pm

is another conversation and topic
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby LastLegend » Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:30 pm

I don't if this will help anyone...if thoughts or anger is a symptom of samsara, why bother analyzing or reasoning it-right or wrong at all when it arises? Mind has no abiding place, why try to abide to any thought even the thought of Buddhadharma or enlightenment? Chan says there is not a dharma to achieve let alone Buddhadharma? If there is a dharma to be achieved, it must be illusory as the self since it is grasping. Dharma is mind is Buddha, and that is all there is; there is no need to seek for mind or anything. But the habit of grasping and seeking to make sense of dharma or Dharma is hard to break. That's why when Chan patriarchs spoke, students want to make sense of what they say and try to grasp it. Linjii said something like this: "If you put all poisonous snakes, scorpions, and poisonous insects into a jar, and pick one out, isn't it not poisonous?" I think he talked about thoughts-all thoughts are samsaric even the thought of Buddhadharma (even Linjii's words). Why even bother seeking, reasoning, analyzing, or even paying attention to any thought? Don't ask me how to apply this; I am just regurgitating words here-don't beat me up...Maybe try to be constantly aware that we are in samsara like we are awake in a dream so that we don't have to chase thoughts and not a dharma to be achieved? :shrug:


I believe you are what you eat.
I am a fan of Macrobiotics-balancing Yin and Yang through eating. Principal food should be whole cereals and eat a large percent 60-70 daily, and other should be supplementary. Sugar, processed food, fruits, etc are very yin and should be consumed in very small quantity and if possible avoid them. Do your own research, and come to your own judgment. Read this book: http://www.scribd.com/doc/140266547/Zen-Macrobiotic-English .
NAMO AMITABHA
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NAMO AMITUOFO (CHINESE)
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby gloriasteinem » Mon Nov 04, 2013 5:34 pm

well, i think rational responce to events removes emotional responces like fear, worry, anger, etc. so i think i have become more, a lot rational, maybe some more than the otherwise usual for me but i am still prefering it, it just came after reading a sutra, and i think i changed. i realy promissed myself to be a better person, i wished you should know that the forum sometimes offers with ppl here true advice
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby Jigme Tsultrim » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:27 am

Some of us have had the experience of being with a newborn. Purity, joy, innocence are all there. Try looking at the person in the mirror with the same feeling towards them as if they were a newborn. We all started that way. Just a few minutes, or whatever you can manage daily may have a good result.
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Re: Dealing with anger

Postby shaunc » Thu Nov 28, 2013 11:35 am

I was once told by a Thai monk that loving kindness meditation can result in anything but loving kindness until you are more established in the practise & advised me to stick with concentrating on the breath as my meditation practise. Because of communication/language problems I am not able to say whether this advice was meant for me personally or for people in general. I was also told by a social worker that anger was 50% physical, by exhausting yourself physically you won't make the anger go away, but you can at least bring it down to a more manageable level. Remember to also look after your health, eat well, exercise regularly & try not to put too much rubbish into your body like cigarettes, alcohol & drugs. Remember that we all have to keep well in 3 different areas, physically, mentally & spiritually.
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