Sometimes it is more compassionate towards yourself and another, to say "no." It is not right, in my view, to try to take full responsibility for another person.
First, you are being hard on yourself -- you're trying to do the impossible. Second, you're making it more difficult for another person to take the responsibility for their own actions.
If a person receives your help, and takes the opportunity to grow, then that's great. There is no worry about being taken advantage of. If on the other hand -- as in this case -- the guy is not only failing to be responsible, but also lying to you, then you are being taken advantage of. That's not right. You sort of let him take an advantage of you the second time you let him into your home. That does not seem compassionate at all. He was harming himself and your family. Better is to find the professional help sometimes. If the person does not want to get help, then that's their problem, their responsibility. Perhaps they will have to learn the hard way. So, I think it's compassionate to provide opportunities to someone who may need help, but the responsibility to use those opportunities lies with them.
Anyway, just an opinion based on what you wrote. I have not been in such situation before, so I may not fully understand it.
Confusion and negativity
- Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Confusion and negativity
I think you should give as much as you can without it hurting you, once it starts hurting you bad enough you can't be of much help. If its not at that point though, just do your best to help.
This is my rule about emotional support at least, this way you can leave all your judgements and moralizing about someone else's behavior out of it, that stuff doesn't matter, not your place to teach people responsibility or any of that nonsense...just help if you can, and when you can't, stop.
This is my rule about emotional support at least, this way you can leave all your judgements and moralizing about someone else's behavior out of it, that stuff doesn't matter, not your place to teach people responsibility or any of that nonsense...just help if you can, and when you can't, stop.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared
-Khunu Lama
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared
-Khunu Lama
Re: Confusion and negativity
Hello Duck,
It is great to know you have so much compassion that you even let them stay with you. This person, although lying to you, is him leading his wrong way not of not to suffer. In a way through compassion and kindness we hope that he can see your compassion and change himself as a result, but unfortunately, he didn't see your compassion and kindness and didn't change.
That is a saying that goes, gives a man a fish and he will eat fish for a day, teach him how to fish and he will drink beer all day on a boat. If he doesn't want to learn how to fish, there is noting we can do for him, giving him fish is not in anyway helping him either.
Since this is in the past now, there is not use thinking about it and attach to it. Sometimes, we fall into such situation. Once I tried help a foreigner couples for direction, I almost give them the wrong direction due to miscommunication.
Most importantly in this matter is that you family is safe and sound.
It is great to know you have so much compassion that you even let them stay with you. This person, although lying to you, is him leading his wrong way not of not to suffer. In a way through compassion and kindness we hope that he can see your compassion and change himself as a result, but unfortunately, he didn't see your compassion and kindness and didn't change.
That is a saying that goes, gives a man a fish and he will eat fish for a day, teach him how to fish and he will drink beer all day on a boat. If he doesn't want to learn how to fish, there is noting we can do for him, giving him fish is not in anyway helping him either.
Since this is in the past now, there is not use thinking about it and attach to it. Sometimes, we fall into such situation. Once I tried help a foreigner couples for direction, I almost give them the wrong direction due to miscommunication.
Most importantly in this matter is that you family is safe and sound.
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- Posts: 222
- Joined: Thu Jul 04, 2013 6:22 pm
Re: Confusion and negativity
Hi duckfiasco,
Please disregard my first message. It was silly of me to philosophize about your experience.
In fact, I think it's amazing that you helped these people in the first place. I'm not sure if I had been able to do that myself even the first time around. Pardonnez moi
Please disregard my first message. It was silly of me to philosophize about your experience.
In fact, I think it's amazing that you helped these people in the first place. I'm not sure if I had been able to do that myself even the first time around. Pardonnez moi