I realise what I'm about to say will sound a little 'wishy washy', but please no harsh judgements etc!
I feel like I've hit a roadblock in my life. I can't explain it, but it feels like I'm not sure 'where to go', pessimistic, and if there are some things nagging at me that I can't quite identify to answer, but things only I can find the answer to. I've felt like this for a while.
I was planning to write down a few thoughts, then sit in the garden all night and meditate. I just want some form of guidance (internal guidance, if that makes sense?) and to figure a few things out. I'm scared that this won't happen, but I'm scared that it will. I understand that any sort of path like this requires long term commitment and effort, but I'm just looking for the direction to head in.
Eh, I know I'm probably being incredibly stupid. But any ideas, advice, etc...?
Edit: Like, I remember when I came incredibly close to death. Myself, the doctors, thought I was to die that night. It was almost as if I came out of the experience 'reborn'.
No fancy stuff. This is all you need.
1) Recognize what makes you suffer. This requires that you constantly observe what you think (mental reactions) to things you see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Also observe every action, everything you do. Do these things you do bring you suffering?
The way I think and what I do is what makes me suffer. So the point of all this is to change our false view, thinking, ways of looking at things. These fall along the line of right view.
2) Never look at the external source for blame. This means do not thrive or see faults in others. Find your own faults (way of thinking and doing things) and change.