A little change? What should I do?
Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:05 am
Metta friends,
(You can skip my background history and jump to the last paragraph)
To start off with a little bit about my background in Buddhism. I was born into a semi-Buddhist family. What I mean by semi-buddhist is because they are what we would called "traditional Chinese religion" which is a combination of Neo-Taoism, Confucianism, and Buddhism. However I'm not Chinese. Anyway I started to seriously study Buddhism for around 5 years now I believe? I started with E-sangha forum and then I went to many different monasteries and temples to study from different teachers and traditions of Buddhism, I also read a few different sutra, mainly some of the main one of Mahayana Buddhism like the Lotus Sutra. I focused on Pure Land Mahayana for a while, and then I shift into studying Chan which focus a lot on the Heart Sutra and meditation. I also took a bit of interest in Vajrayana for a bit but just never got into it. I spent 3 years as a leader in a youth group at a Vietnamese temple and then I attend a Chan Monastery which is affiliate to Chung Tai Chan Monastery founded by Master Wei Chueh of Taiwan where I took the refuge under the Triple Jewels and the precepts.
And I loved all the things I have learned from both Pure Land and Chan tradition, however Pure Land wasn't satisfying to me. I'm sure it is a great practice but I just didn't feel right with it. So I went into Chan(Zen) which I really like and for a while it was good until something happened, and then I feel it isn't for me either, maybe the masters were too dogmatic. It seems almost like a God-Fearing religion.
I went from being a "religious" Buddhist to slowly becoming an Atheist. I feel right where I am now, But I still deeply respect the Buddha and many of his non-dogmatic teaching. I still applied many aspect of Buddhist's teaching to my every day life and I would like to study Buddhism from a humanistic and atheistic point of view, but I find that difficult to do because I seem to be on my own. Dharma friends that I used to know doesn't have the same view of me anymore, so it would be great if there is any recommendation in any sort of writing that i would like, or maybe group/monasteries that I might be interested in.
Thank you metta.
(You can skip my background history and jump to the last paragraph)
To start off with a little bit about my background in Buddhism. I was born into a semi-Buddhist family. What I mean by semi-buddhist is because they are what we would called "traditional Chinese religion" which is a combination of Neo-Taoism, Confucianism, and Buddhism. However I'm not Chinese. Anyway I started to seriously study Buddhism for around 5 years now I believe? I started with E-sangha forum and then I went to many different monasteries and temples to study from different teachers and traditions of Buddhism, I also read a few different sutra, mainly some of the main one of Mahayana Buddhism like the Lotus Sutra. I focused on Pure Land Mahayana for a while, and then I shift into studying Chan which focus a lot on the Heart Sutra and meditation. I also took a bit of interest in Vajrayana for a bit but just never got into it. I spent 3 years as a leader in a youth group at a Vietnamese temple and then I attend a Chan Monastery which is affiliate to Chung Tai Chan Monastery founded by Master Wei Chueh of Taiwan where I took the refuge under the Triple Jewels and the precepts.
And I loved all the things I have learned from both Pure Land and Chan tradition, however Pure Land wasn't satisfying to me. I'm sure it is a great practice but I just didn't feel right with it. So I went into Chan(Zen) which I really like and for a while it was good until something happened, and then I feel it isn't for me either, maybe the masters were too dogmatic. It seems almost like a God-Fearing religion.
I went from being a "religious" Buddhist to slowly becoming an Atheist. I feel right where I am now, But I still deeply respect the Buddha and many of his non-dogmatic teaching. I still applied many aspect of Buddhist's teaching to my every day life and I would like to study Buddhism from a humanistic and atheistic point of view, but I find that difficult to do because I seem to be on my own. Dharma friends that I used to know doesn't have the same view of me anymore, so it would be great if there is any recommendation in any sort of writing that i would like, or maybe group/monasteries that I might be interested in.
Thank you metta.