I did not stop hating all at once, unfortunately, no epiphany and instant insight!
It is so sad when I think on how his life went, how he tried to keep it together til he died from a heart attack, surely it must have been broken? his heart, I mean. And so, gradually I lost my hatred as I knew that he had only the best of intentions for me and did help me when I asked for it.
When I was 13, I recall saying to Mom, that Hell was life on Earth, as it was living with Dad. She didn't know what to make of it!
And now, it is Mom I am estranged from! The Mother who was always the understanding one, who gave to her other daughter a life changing gift that excluded me. I had such a hard time getting close to Mom when she moved nearby and now I think it was due to this long held secret, which, when finally outed accidentally by sis, ended our relationship at Mom's instigation. Whew! I got lucky, I figure, as sis is now taking care of the evil tempered woman who is my Mother.
Oy! Go figure!
They both still hate Dad and will hate him til the day they die, not realizing the importance of forgiveness. It felt so much better to be at peace with Dad and our past. When I mentioned forgiveness including Dad, sis went quiet on the phone (wanting forgiveness for self but not willing to give it to Dad?). I suppose they think I will never forgive them......but how will they know if they will not speak with me?
There are still some cranky days when I awake and feel anger and hatred toward what they did to me and their attitudes toward me but I do know better than to harbour such or to try too hard to make it all go away too quickly. It does take time and small steps,
unless you have that karmic quality that allows for quick release for these things.
Unfortunately my mind is like a steel trap, unwilling to let go..........until those neural circuits learn new paths, making learning a slow go for me! Ah dummy D
Not everyone can afford to pay for therapy, I know, but the pros have seen it all before and do know how we tick and what might work for our personality once they get to know us. If you can afford some talking sessions with a friendly listener and adviser, it may help a lot, much faster than working on one's own.
May the Blessing of understanding and forgiveness be yours, soon!
KeithBC wrote:Heruka wrote:the guide to the bodhisattvas way of life by santideva has some great verses to reflect upon.
its a simple small step, but it will help.
all the best
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