How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

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How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby emmapeach » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:39 pm

...inflict damage on you?

I'm asking because I always get so enraged and want to answer back, defend myself and it is making me furious. In this special case somebody want to ruin my business, it is a case of cyber bullying and there isn't much I can do against it. The question is: should I do anything at all? How would a Buddhist person react? If somebody is trying to damage your existence (i.e. my income through my business), can you just ignore it?

Thanks for getting my mind more straight.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby Seishin » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:45 pm

No. Being compassionate does not mean being a door mat. If someone is damaging your business I'd get a lawyer involved. I wish you the best.

Gassho,
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby odysseus » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:47 pm

Dhammapada: "He who without resentment endures abuse, beating and punishment; whose power, real might, is patience — him do I call a noble man."

Easier said than done. I have the same experience but I quit angering back, just expressing my disapproval. It´s said that nobody in this world escapes criticism. "Not shaken by praise or blame".

Sometimes I get annoyed a while long after such an episode *lol*. I try to be patient with it and realize I´m not that hurt in reality.

If you have thief, call the police.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby emmapeach » Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:07 pm

thanks for your replies.
I feel it wouldn't change anything if I sued her. She is trying to ruin my reputation and I see that it would be a waste of time, nerves and money if I tried a civil suit against her. I'm so tired, problems never stop for me, it seems. Please send me some benevolent thoughts, could need them now. Thank you.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby LastLegend » Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:27 pm

emmapeach wrote:thanks for your replies.
I feel it wouldn't change anything if I sued her. She is trying to ruin my reputation and I see that it would be a waste of time, nerves and money if I tried a civil suit against her. I'm so tired, problems never stop for me, it seems. Please send me some benevolent thoughts, could need them now. Thank you.


You sound like a nice individual. :bow: :heart:

Money seems to be the problem for everyone. I am willing to take people's problem away by taking their money. :lol:
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby emmapeach » Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:33 pm

LastLegend wrote:
emmapeach wrote:thanks for your replies.
I feel it wouldn't change anything if I sued her. She is trying to ruin my reputation and I see that it would be a waste of time, nerves and money if I tried a civil suit against her. I'm so tired, problems never stop for me, it seems. Please send me some benevolent thoughts, could need them now. Thank you.


You sound like a nice individual. :bow: :heart:


How do you know? I have made so many mistakes in my life and they seem to follow me wherever I go or whatever I do. I try doing things differently, I work really hard and all this makes my body remember all too easily those darkest times of depression and anxiety. Triggers everywhere. If karma exists (and I do believe it does) I cannot be a nice individual regarding what I have to deal with for most of my life. It doesn't look as if there was a change to the positive. I'm sad and - I said it before - I'm tired.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby LastLegend » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:00 pm

emmapeach wrote:
LastLegend wrote:
emmapeach wrote:thanks for your replies.
I feel it wouldn't change anything if I sued her. She is trying to ruin my reputation and I see that it would be a waste of time, nerves and money if I tried a civil suit against her. I'm so tired, problems never stop for me, it seems. Please send me some benevolent thoughts, could need them now. Thank you.


You sound like a nice individual. :bow: :heart:


How do you know? I have made so many mistakes in my life and they seem to follow me wherever I go or whatever I do. I try doing things differently, I work really hard and all this makes my body remember all too easily those darkest times of depression and anxiety. Triggers everywhere. If karma exists (and I do believe it does) I cannot be a nice individual regarding what I have to deal with for most of my life. It doesn't look as if there was a change to the positive. I'm sad and - I said it before - I'm tired.

I see you are suffering.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby LastLegend » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:10 pm

Well you said you did not want to sue someone. That's pretty nice of you.
If you feel it's karma payback, you can can:

1) Call Bodhisatva - Quan Yin or Avl (Sanskrit). This Bodhisstva responds to suffering of sentient beings. Anytime you are in trouble or suffering, call this Bodhisatva.
2) Release wild life that is about to be killed for food. Might not be an option where you live.
3) Help the impoverished, diseases, and less unfortunate through monetary donation ideally
4) Recite a sutra or a mantra
5) Do any good service for people
6) Then dedicate merits every time you any of these things above to all sentient beings in the past and present life you have hurt and wish for their forgiveness.
Last edited by LastLegend on Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby Zhen Li » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:28 pm

I think that to give you useful advice a bit more information about the situation in question is needed.

I can't offer suggestions for how you can act, but as for your mind, just remember that things are only bad because we perceive them to be. Everyone thinks that they are being the best person they can be. Maybe try to understand the person who is bullying you, see where they are coming from, and what might have caused them to act this way. If they are trying to cause you grief, the grief is only as great as you let it be, but their karma will be proportional to their deeds. Imagine taking in their suffering on yourself, and sending them love and compassion, and it will feel like the burden you carry is suddenly much lighter.

Also, just consider how much worse it could be. You could be living in a country without enough food and water. The person could be smashing your windows and beating you, not just bullying you online. Sometimes if we look at our position relative to the other possibilities, we realise that there is nothing to fear, and that our position might actually be something that many people in the world admire greatly. You've come to find the Buddha's teachings, you've also managed to set up your own business, you have great karma and great success, and whatever hardships occur will only be temporary. Just stay calm and honest, thinking twice about all of your responses to this person, only acting in a way that you won't regret and which won't make you worry more after, and if possible, just ignoring the person's actions altogether, and you may then find that it may just pass in no time at all.

Moreover, meditation of all sorts might help with your anxiety and depression. Try giving it a go. Mindfulness is fine, but you might find your mind becomes much lighter with loving kindness meditation. Then you may also develop the ability to not allow yourself to view anyone as bullying you -- because in reality they're only bullying themselves.

May you be well, happy, and peaceful, and may your business flourish and do well. May everything go perfectly for you.
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby anjali » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:48 pm

emmapeach wrote:...inflict damage on you?

I'm asking because I always get so enraged and want to answer back, defend myself and it is making me furious. In this special case somebody want to ruin my business, it is a case of cyber bullying and there isn't much I can do against it. The question is: should I do anything at all? How would a Buddhist person react? If somebody is trying to damage your existence (i.e. my income through my business), can you just ignore it?

Thanks for getting my mind more straight.


Hi emmapeach. Sounds like you are in a tough situation. How well do you know this person, and do you know why this person has it out for you? There must be some history there to trigger this person. Have you requested the person cease their hurtful, damaging attacks? Here is a quote that may help you approach the situation with right attitude, at least from a Buddhist perspective:

When someone hates us, attacks us or tries to harms us, we practice patience. We begin by clarifying the causes of the situation: through harmful actions in the past and through the constant suffering that we have created for this person and others, we ourselves have set into motion karmic forces that are the actual cause of the present conflict. Our adversary is not the causative agent here but merely a participant in this situation that is unpleasant for both of us, and it is not right for us to put the blame on them. We ourselves have to repay a karmic debt. This understanding will help us accept the situation. We have to pay our karmic bill, and we learn from this for the future.

Karma ripens at the moment when we encounter a particular problematic situation, and it is purified at the moment when we fully accept the situation. We ought to be glad that we have the opportunity to purify our karma now, as this saves us from the misfortune of it ripening at a later time, under circumstances that potentially are much more difficult for us. In addition, we develop compassion for our supposed adversary and pray that the karmic consequences of their anger will not result in additional suffering for them but instead ripen upon us. --From Heart Advice from a Mahamudra Master by Gendun Rinpoche, pages 65-66.

It is unclear what form the cyber bullying is taking, but here are some things to keep in mind:
  • Make sure you document the bullying.
  • It may be possible to find some way to electronically block what the person is doing.
  • Depending on how much damage the person is doing, just ignoring the behavior may be the best approach to dealing it.
  • If the behavior is seriously damaging your business, you do have the right report it to authorities for investigation, especially if you have good documentation.
Somewhat jokingly, but also somewhat seriously, maybe you should send her a Thank You card for showing you what you need to work on, and that you are sincerely sorry both of you are suffering from this situation. The reason for doing such an odd thing, is that by doing something totally unexpected, it can neutralize a bully's behavior since it doesn't produce what the bully is hoping for.

Wishing for you that this situation amicably resolves itself quickly. Kind regards...
  • The object of the game is to go on playing it. --John Von Neumann
  • All activities are like the games children play. If started, they can never be finished. They are only completed once you let them be, like castles made of sand. --Khenpo Nyoshul Rinpoche
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby emmapeach » Sun Feb 23, 2014 8:58 am

Hello again and thank you all. You are making thing a bit clearer for me. Today I'm not so worried anymore (but this doesn't mean the feeling comes back). I don't even want to document all this as it is disgusting for me and I want to run away from it all as far as I can. I will have to take action when it gets too much, though, you're right.

I'm practicing meditation but I am still a beginner, but on some days I have the feeling that it starts working. I can step back and let it be for a moment, get some rest. I hope I will further improve.
Thank you!
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Re: How to react on critizism, blame and people trying to ..

Postby Gwenn Dana » Tue Mar 25, 2014 2:21 pm

Greetings,

defend yourself without attachment.

Which means: simply defend yourself as is appropriate. Without anger. Without hate. Without nerves. Without bad thoughts. You're attacked because your attacker is riding an illusion himself, or he would not attack you (unless you both are out in the wild and there really is no other food than you).

Simply do what's necessary to defend yourself to disrupt the attack and go on minding your business when you're done with it.

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