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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 5:05 am 
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I've found that to truly heal my emotional ails, I have to give [i]myself[i] my undivided attention, instead of other people who won't return it. Why do we crave so much to be recognized? To be loved, even?

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 5:26 am 
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The title of the post doesn't really match the content.

'Being present' is being attentive to each moment of experience, simply being aware and not being caught up in thoughts. It *sounds* very easy but really it isn't. We're usually caught up in our thoughts - well, I know I am - and thoughts give rise to emotions, as one thing leads to another. So 'being present' is noticing that a thought is arising, instead of being carried away by it and the associated emotions. It's a simple, yet profound, ability, which meditation facilitates. That doesn't mean, instantly becoming an always-equanimous person who is never the least bit caught up in those things. But as you become more adept at the practicing of noticing, you also are becoming more present to each moment.

But then the post goes on to make another point altogether. Giving yourself undivided attention, might be 'being present'. But when it is 'myself, as distinct from others', then I think another motive begins to appear. Here already there is the division between self and other, yours and mine. I would just notice that.

Why do we crave? Whether it's to be loved or something else altogether, surely it is from our sense of lack, of something missing. That is not to trivialise it, it is another aspect of being human which we all have to deal with, and which is sometimes very difficult. But I think that sense of 'lack' or the missing of something, is at the bottom of it.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 7:03 am 
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flowerbudh wrote:
I've found that to truly heal my emotional ails, I have to give [i]myself[i] my undivided attention, instead of other people who won't return it. Why do we crave so much to be recognized? To be loved, even?


Flowerbudh you are saying if you are present you wouldn't crave attention? The focus would be on what you are doing right now rather than what you crave? It's craving that's bugging you right? You'll have to investigate the why, no one will know except you. We all crave things for different reasons because we have different conditioning.

To be loved, as in to be cared for is a basic human need. Babies will fail to thrive if not given proper care, kind touches, kind and caring mirroring with eye contact. I think adults don't drop this need for caring, if we don't get proper care we fail to thrive as well. But love can mean many things. Passionate love, the love of good friends, the love of family, and spiritual love. I am talking about caring kindness like love of family and friends. I remember when I was younger, in my teens my need for friendship was much stronger, not a boyfriend, but just friends to hang around. Girlfriends were so important, it hurt to be alone. Although there was one boy I had a crush on forever, since first grade until I graduated, but he never knew, I was way too shy to tell him :oops: I remember how painful crushes were, I had a couple through my teens and early twenties before I got married, I am really glad I grew out of them. :namaste:

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:08 am 
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Craving to be recognized is self-grasping. Check out some Lojong:

http://www.lojongmindtraining.com/
http://www.rinpoche.com/teachings/sevenpoints.htm

I have found these simple slogans and practices enormously effective for things that one doesn't even normally think of as 'attention seeking', things like simply being extremely self-conscious for instance, seems to come from the same place of self grasping. Exchanging yourself with others really works over time, and you can get some relief from those feelings. I really overlooked this stuff when I started getting into Tibetan teachings, but seriously if you are concerned with taking care of obsessive thought, and meditation practice alone isn't quite doing it, these are like gold. They are mostly practices that involve the relative world, pretending like you have a self, since you are already grasping to it so hard, you can use it to cut your attachment and value others more.

So maybe accept yourself and your need for attention, but endeavor to chip away at it earnestly, even just having that motivation can get you somewhere, I think.

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"We're chained to the world and we all gotta pull" -Tom Waits


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 10:00 am 
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:namaste:

Being lost in the traffic of thoughts/feelings....., there is indeed a missing and so there comes the need to compensate that.While in fact it is ourselves, our own nature which we lost by not being present.

I read this in a shop: life is that which passes while we make plans for the future. Useful contemplation.

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There is only nature and all is nature. Any discrimination is ones’ own delusion.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 4:02 pm 
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Being in the present is not important. Who say it is ?

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NAMO AMITABHA
NAM MO A DI DA PHAT (VIETNAMESE)
NAMO AMITUOFO (CHINESE)

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―Listen! Those of you who devote yourselves to the Dharma
must not be afraid of losing your bodies and your lives―


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