What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

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What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby tigerh98 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:50 pm

My dad takes my phone away when they call him from my school my phone is were i listen to buddhist songs watch videos and learn buddhism chinese mandarin its my guide i dont need it to live but i do to advanced and so when i become a monk ill be a great one ps.if he takes it hes probably going break it like what he did to my ps3/psp/3ds in front of me he has anger problems so hes probably going hit me if i dont give it to him so if he does should i defend myself?
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Kim O'Hara » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:07 am

People learned the dharma - really well - for two thousand years before smart phones were even invented.
Take as many steps back through technology as you need to -
:coffee:
:reading:
etc

:namaste:
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby tigerh98 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:10 am

So what are the ways i can learn chinese mandarin buddhism listen to my mantras buddhist music with out my phone or how do i not let my phone get destroyed by an angry man?
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Alfredo » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:34 am

Well maybe he should take your phone away. How often are you playing on it, instead of doing your homework?
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby greentara » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:57 am

Ok there's going to be a ruckas! Try not to use 'jive' talk with your father, instead use quiet, measured tones to state your case, don't yell as it'll put your dad on edge.
You've got to believe your parents are concerned about you and your future.
Try and negotiate with them saying you'll take your studies more seriously if they allow you to visit a a buddhist center, say once a week after school, sniff around, talk to the monks there and see if you're attracted in any way?
You're the son of immigrants. All of us are immigrants spiritually, we're all searching for happiness for some deeper meaning.
You have to ask yourself how much does the mobile phone mean to me? Is it just instant gratification, you just can't operate without it? Even in the classroom you can't switch it off...knowing full well that the teacher then complains to your parents and your father gets so angry he may hit you?
You're only 15 years old, I don't know if you're mature enough to take any of the advice on board. Many on the forum have reached out to you and tried but ultimately the words have to sink in. Lets see if any of the words can make an impression on you?
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby tigerh98 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:20 am

I use my.phone everyday to study and learn ps.i dont play video games! when i do my homework my parents dont know or they dont know if i got homework
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Alfredo » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:23 am

When you say you use it to "study and learn," do you mean for your classes, or for outside interests (like Buddhism)?
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby tigerh98 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:36 am

I dont study for school i study for my own benifits it will have when i become a monk
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Alfredo » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:56 am

In that case, your father is right to be concerned.
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby rory » Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:15 am

Well you're learning the first less of Buddhism: attachment leads to suffering. You are attached to your mobile phone and even the thought of it being taken away is upsetting you. Give it to your father voluntarily, that's what the Buddha would do. You want to be a monk; give up the phone.
gassho
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ps. start studying, get better grades and in exchange ask your parents to take you weekly to a dharma center.
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby dimeo » Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:19 am

My dad took things like my computer away when I was growing up, to teach me something. I was mad at first until I realized how I only really had things he'd given to me. Respect is due to these people who have given us so much, and worked so hard to be able to give it to us.

But if your father is violent or abusive, or if you feel your safety is at risk, contact help.
In your country there might be a help line

Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) Canada

1-800-4-A-CHILD USA
800-422-4453

1 800 55 1800 Australia
0800 1111 Childline UK
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby greentara » Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:52 am

dimeo, I don't agree. I think the father is just frustrated at not being able to get though to an immature teenager. I would certainly be very hesitant to get any third party 'service' involved, meddling in family affairs which will only inflame the matter.
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Lindama » Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:29 am

tigerh98 wrote:My dad takes my phone away when they call him from my school my phone is were i listen to buddhist songs watch videos and learn buddhism chinese mandarin its my guide i dont need it to live but i do to advanced and so when i become a monk ill be a great one ps.if he takes it hes probably going break it like what he did to my ps3/psp/3ds in front of me he has anger problems so hes probably going hit me if i dont give it to him so if he does should i defend myself?


Tiger, It sounds like it's not easy for you. It's one thing to take a phone away, it's another to break it and hit you. I am sorry, that is unkind. Here's an opportunity to begin practice and consider how you might avoid such things and how you can respond skillfully since it sounds like you are still underage and living with your parents. How can you influence this in a positive way... I know full well that may not be possible, look, can you talk to your counselors at school. Is it possible to avoid the school calling, by showing up or whatever? Look at how you might change, maybe it would be for your benefit. If you become a monk, you will change a lot! Can you leave the phone at a friend's for a while, someone you can trust? Look back at the discussion about becoming a monk, find someone to talk to. Take care of yourself and be kind.

many blessings,
linda

ps listening to your music on youtube, it's lovely!
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Punya » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:53 am

Hello tiger. I think we can only offer suggestions and maybe there'll be something one of us says that is helpful to you.

My guess is that your dad doesn't want to take the phone off you or he would have done it by now. The phone is not the main issue though, is it? It sounds like your dad is worried about you not doing your school work and what this might mean for your future. Could you come up with a compromise solution? Otherwise your dad might feel he has to take action (although of course I wouldn't condone him smashing it).

BTW, in all your posts I haven't seen you say why you are interested in being a Buddhist monk. What is it that attracts you to Buddhism and the monastic life?
Unless the inner forces of negative emotions are conquered
Strife with outer enemies will never end.
~Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Seishin » Fri Oct 25, 2013 10:52 am

Argh the teen years! I sadly remember them well... the fights, arguments, hating my parents, my parents hating me, my parents thinking they know it all, me thinking I know it all.... Thankfully, they don't last forever (impermanence, another Buddhist teaching for you :twothumbsup: ). If you wish to become a monk you'll have to learn to let go of material possessions as monks are not meant to own anything.

Buddhism is two parts - 1.Wisdom ie studying 2.Practice ie actually putting the teachings into practice, learning to turn the other cheek and be compassionate to those who hurt you. It's not an easy thing for sure, but the beauty is you don't need to be a monk to practice.

In terms of self defence, you are aloud to defend yourself, but if you defend yourself in a moment of anger you will do something you regret. However, if you learn to let go of your anger (meditation is a great practice here) you will be able to avoid such situations skilfully.

One of the hardest lessons in life that you are going to have to learn is compromise. You will be in situations your whole life where you can't get your own way, especially in a monastery. Throwing your self on the floor kicking and screaming, or arguing with your elders will find you kicked out of every institution. If you think you have no freedom now, just wait until you join a Chinese Monastery.

So, what to do now?.... Practice. Try the Metta Bhavana meditation

An outline of the Metta Bhavana
In the Metta Bhavana practice we’re cultivating love, or friendliness, or loving-kindness.

Eventually we want to become like an emotional bonfire: a steady blaze of emotional warmth that will embrace any sentient being that we become aware of. This is an attainable goal for every human being. All it takes is time and some persistent effort.

The practice is in five stages. We cultivate Metta for:
Ourselves
A good friend
A “neutral” person — someone we don’t have any strong feelings for
A “difficult” person — someone we have conflicts with or feelings of ill will towards
All sentient beings (ambitious, huh!)
You may notice that there’s a progression in the stages. It’s easiest for us to cultivate lovingkindness for ourselves and for our friends. It’s a bit more difficult to do this for people we don’t know well. And it really goes against the grain to cultivate lovingkindness for someone we’re in conflict with. Lastly, we cultivate lovingkindness for everyone in the world: i.e. all friends, people we don’t know, and people we’re in conflict with — plus ourselves of course.

We’ll learn these stages one at a time. We suggest that you practice one stage for a while before moving on to the others.
http://www.wildmind.org/metta/introduction/outline

To give you a bit of inspiration to get you kick started, read up about this 15 year old boy who has been practising Buddhism almost his whole life and is seeking permission to go to India to be a monk (sound familiar?) The biggest difference is, he's been practising
http://www.deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws.e ... /1.1727356 http://www.deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws.e ... 30919_giel

PS. You're school has a library right? Take a look to see if they have some Buddhist books there. They should also have access to the internet in which case you can look there. If not your schools library, try your local library.

Gassho,
Seishin
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Jikan » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:09 pm

rory wrote:Well you're learning the first less of Buddhism: attachment leads to suffering. You are attached to your mobile phone and even the thought of it being taken away is upsetting you. Give it to your father voluntarily, that's what the Buddha would do. You want to be a monk; give up the phone.
gassho
rory

ps. start studying, get better grades and in exchange ask your parents to take you weekly to a dharma center.


:good: :good: :good:
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Simon E. » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:37 pm

:good:

I would add take things one day, one week, or one month at a time.
There are many Dharma paths. Most of which which do not require ordination.
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby plwk » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:36 pm

I guess if it was your dad who gave you the phone and it wasn't earned by your own effort, i.e your own money, in some families, it means that it was merely 'loaned' to you, especially between a parent and child but I have no idea how your family works.

In this type of arrangement, anytime that the giver perceives that the receiver will be 'harmed' and what not by the usage of the gift, they may see it fit to take it back, fortunately or unfortunately, fair or not fair. So, ownership of it was not to be yours in the first place but as a mere steward. But otherwise, what most have said here is valuable advice.

As you said, if you don't need it to live, then find other ways to continue your mode of learning instead of getting into a precarious situation with your father, who in your description, doesn't possess an even temperament.

One's independence and maturity in life is earned and proved in some cultures and families and not a universal 'human right'... so you may have to put up with your parents until it's time for you to go legally and with some form of stability...
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby Martin007 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:02 pm

Kim O'Hara wrote: :reading:


In the olden days we used to have buildings called "libraries".... :lol:
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Re: What to do if my dad takes my phone away?

Postby tigerh98 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:25 pm

I know attachment leads to suffering im not attached to my phone its sh#t to me i just use it to study and learn im attracted to buddhism becouse i had experiences like my dad breaking 3ds/psp/ps3 and that teached me that material things are not permanent and im going become a monk becouse thats the way i want to live my whole life and i know samsara cycle i have a problem with samsara i think its wrong ps.lindama thats great your injoying my music on my youtube 8) ps.by defence i mean useing martial arts like the shaolin monks did 60 years ago to defend the temple and themselves http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gqagZNrKSgs&feature=plpp&p=PL2fJRrnsHb7U7OuKzh7QN9hUSa6BvEfGA
Last edited by tigerh98 on Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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