Desire for control is usually caused by fears of losing control and thus abandonment. This from personal experience.
Helpful thoughts for me is thinking that I do have control, my retinue and their loyalty is determined largely by my karma. And my karma is under my total control.
Also, I reflect on the beginningless and endless nature of Samsara. I also use this same reflection for other things too, but in this case, I think that in the past I was an emperor with millions of adoring subjects and also a hated chandala
. Countless times and everything is between countless times too. So why cling to my current relationships?
Also reflection on impermanence works for everything.
Phabongkha Rinpoche said:
“‘When I die, all the happiness or sadness I may now have will only remain as memories, as if I had dreamt them. It is meaningless to be attached or to be hostile in this short life.’”
-Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand pg. 607
Ra Lotsawa Dorje Drak said:
Happiness and suffering are impermanent
Fame and its absence are also impermanent.
Acquisition and its absence are impermanent.
Honour and its absence are also impermanent
Everything is momentary and brief.
They are not permanent or truly existing.
If you examine all the happiness and suffering
that you have experienced until now,
even their names, have now ceased to be.
With every instant they change and depart
Therefore, towards illusory appearances
don’t have strong clinging or belief in their reality.
Equanimity is the ground. Love is the moisture. Compassion is the seed. Bodhicitta is the result.
-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra
"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."
-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats