Karma Dondrup Tashi wrote:If a friend says that something I'm saying is upsetting to them and I go on saying it, what does that say about me?
Seems simple to me - doing that would mean you're kinda rude.
But it would also depend a lot on your motivation for using the word in the first place. If you were using a word to be deliberately provocative, then to continue using it after being told off about would be a bit rude.
If it was me being told off by a Theravedin because they didn't like my choice of phrasing (using the H-word), after apologizing, I'd politely suggest they leave the conversation immediately and not come back unless they had a list of terms they'll find offensive so I, and the rest of us in the convo don't risk offending that person any further.
On another point, I never, and I do mean NEVER, use the word to be deliberately offensive. In addition I never use it interchangably with Theraveda. If I want to be offensive, there are much more effective ways of offending or insulting someone. When I talk about Theraveda, I say "Theraveda" and nothing else. Am I allowed the same luxury of offense at someone presuming, unfairly, that in my choice of wording that I'm being deliberately offensive or talking about them? If we concern oursleves with such things it a sword that cuts both ways.
So, because it's such a difficult proposition, and in my mind boring and tiresome, I do two things. One, I avoid contact with Theravedins. It's not that I don't like them, it's that I fear a simple slip of the tongue would cause immeasurable problems that I would just as soon avoid and a good way to do that is to avoid those who you may offend. Second, I generally don't use the word Hinayana in mixed company, because you never know when a Theravedin might suddenly reveal himself or herself, and then we get into all kinds of pointless nonsense and I prefer to avoid that.
I don't feel it's incumbent on me to safegaurd the sensibilities of others, so my avoidance is strictly self-serving. It's not a question for me of some sense of right and wrong. I just don't want to get into it. I don't want to be bothered.