Whatever practice you decide to do, generate bodhichitta and just enjoy it. It's easy to make things too complicated.
So more questions arise...Maybe I should have started this thread in a different forum. Anyhow, several obstacles I have met specifically towards generating bodhichitta.
-I feel a bit guilty for how good I feel after generating bodhichitta. I work as a Paramedic and have lots of first hand experience dealing with incredible suffering. I often use specific patients for my practice. The visualizations are amazing and I feel wonderful, however I will sometimes feel I am only benefiting myself by using other peoples suffering. Is this a normal response? This brings me to my second question.
-If I am to truly benefit others and give my body and life for them to use however makes them happy am I just contributing to there suffering? It seems if I give my body for them to use however they want they will choose the second type of suffering. Thanks!
Any time you can generate any beneficial thought, it always benefits you.
To some extent, there's long term connection with others (however small)
if they are a cause for your kindness-intent. When you dedicate the merit
you accumulate, where do you think it goes? It is still in your memory--
you cannot escape your good deeds! If you realize that the thoughts, words
and actions are all empty, what's the point in guilt or any other reaction.
Just keep on doing what you know is skillful. It absolutely always benefits you.
Your prayers, your offerings, your prostrations...