by Pema_Nyizer » Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:44 am
Personally, I would not wait for some kind of "stability" in your environment or inner workings before starting/resuming practice. I confess my advice comes more from doing excatly what you speak of, and each time feeling silly upon restarting and being blown away from the wealth of benefits that near instantly render my rationale simply outragous to myself! haha
After all, your practice could be your solace in these times. When the teachings tell you that by turning your attention, prayers, etc outward to others , and in our tradition to ALL OTHERS (message deserves a couple re-reads from "When the teachings... to here), not only are you benefiting all sentient beings, but this act is hands down a beautiful, remarkable and wholesome way to heal yourself from many of the afflictions that you are describing in your post. You will most likely experience lower stress, discover an increase in mindfulness, recieve blessings, the list goes on and on. Not too mention some useful pride at your accomplishing this!
I think most importantly this could turn out to be a tremendously insightful section of your "up and down" cycles you have been likely having in this lifetime when seen through a more objective, meditation laced you. I can vouch personally as one who was at rock bottom this year who (this time) kicked my practice into high gear instead of burying the head, that there could not possibly have been a better thing for me to do for "myself and those I guard" (a term I have fallen in love with that is found in one of my sadhanas). I can't even tell you all the nasty little secrets for hurting Me (by me) were discovered and laid to rest on this particular bottom feeder run...
The root guru question would be nice to hear from Lama Dowa, however I think you have this one in your toolbox as well. Pray for Him constantly, and I bet you aren't singing to a wall... (keep "eye" peeled) Meanwhile go to any weekly practice/event(s) you can, you never know who might show up.
Thank you for posting about your troubles, that is braver than I, and is helpful to people like me trust me. Many blessings of all kinds, may your troubles end swifty and with great insight, and I will certainly think of you in my prayers.
"Mind is the energy display of awareness." ~The Venerable Khenchen Palden Sherab Rinpoche