I was at that stage making some real progress with some important practice issues, again without really understanding what that was all about at the time. I felt that Dzogchen is not The Real Thing (as I understood it, of course), and that some of the views expressed about letting go was quite heretical and damaging. I said as much.
I then unplugged from DW in particular and to a large extent from Dharma practice in general these last month and a half. What bothered me, on a daily basis, was why I felt so unhappy, so lost in my practice if I was so right. Slowly it dawned on me. I was holding on too tightly to something that I thought was ever so precious to me. I was clinging to the symbols of what was, and is, to me the most beautiful thing out there - the Dharma.
But did the Buddha himself not teach us to drop the raft after a while? Was the endgame of "my own precious and pure Dharma" not in any event what Dzogchen was saying? Slowly, in what was a pretty unpleasant experience, the emotion fell away, and with it the insecurity, the clinging, the fuzzy thinking, leaving only the facts.
All of this is of course nothing but the rather unnecessary mistakes of one practitioner, mistakes that most of you seem to have avoided quite easily. I do however believe that I was wrong, and I have not always expressed my views skillfully in this debate. For that I apologize, especially to Malcolm. If I rather had my little off-time and then expressed my views I would have had an easier ride. Again, like so many times before, Malcolm has taught me a huge lesson here, maybe my most difficult but most important one yet.
I do feel that I now see my attachments clearer, and that as a result thereof I have a better chance of letting go of them.
For that, and for showing me again the real power and beauty of Dzogchen, I can only say thank you.
