Namdrol wrote:wisdom wrote:My only ambition in life is ... to be a spiritual teacher for others,
Big Ego Trip.
Best to give it up.
Thanks Namdrol, this is sage advice. I considered it seriously and deeply today, because I largely actually have no ego, and I concluded that in a sense you are right. My Bodhicitta was not pure, so I rearranged my thoughts about it and my mental view towards it. It would be safer to say that my desire is to follow the path of the Bodhisattva so that I can become pure enough that I can become worthy of teaching the Dharma, and in that situation I can make myself open and available for whatever it is I must do to help, aid, or assist others on their path. It wont be for me to decide, the Bodhisattva does not decide for himself what others need, he acts based on their need and their need alone. Selfless service cannot have a self centered goal, even one disguised as selflessness. Whatever the "I" wants, it wants for itself.
I had never stated these intentions before, so nobody has ever had the chance to say this and so I've never had the impact of considering from an outside perspective that my ideas might be wrong. I've considered the matter from this angle before, and even renounced the idea before, but I've had it thrown back in my face again and again, so I've kept it around as a handy motivation for the path. Yet now I see its not for me to decide. Once I'm Enlightened the needs of others will decide for me, and if I've actually achieved my goal, I will not only be able to meet those needs but will gladly do it whatever they are, in whatever capacity, and regardless of how they view me or even if they are aware of my help.