anjali wrote:garudha wrote:anjali wrote:I would like to ask you a question. How has having the experience changed you as a person?
I was totally freaked out about everything before but afterwards I was transformed and had total faith in pure love and was able to live a relatively normal life. It didn't make me into a perfect buddha type person. I wasn't a bad person before and I'm not a bad person now. Still I meet people who are kinder than myself all the time. I'm nothing special.
Has the transformation stayed with you? Did it fade with time? How did your faith in pure love manifest? After your experience, did you feel more compassion for people; were you able to "see into" others' suffering? Did you experience any heightened sense of devotion and/or gratitude?
To a certain extent it's difficult to be fully objective and impartial about ones own life.
It might be helpful if explain the process I went through on the way to the peak of the experience and how I came out the other end...
In life we accumulate dirt on our inner being. When this dirt becomes so gross we lose track of who we really are. This can be very painful and can put us into a spiritual or existential crisis.
When I became a being existing solely in spirit, I was slightly shocked, I never knew about such things beforehand, I tried to see where I was and realised that I could only feel with my heart. I tried to attached mental images, but I realised that these were my own mental projections so stopped doing it.
Within this space which I can't describe I was confronted with my own imperfections. There was no time to stop and assess anything I just had to do whatever I felt was right. All I could feel were my own imperfections. I couldn't see Buddha-fields or spiritual-entities!
There was only one things to do, and I felt I had to it right then, they was really no other option. In a way the path forward was at all times one-way and the progression happened automatically.
I was able to see all events in my life very clearly. I was able to feel them from other peoples perspectives too. All the pain I had caused; I felt it. This all happened very quickly and within 5 seconds I had accepted all the past events in my life and held no grudge or ill-will to anyone. I had a true understanding and as such felt no ill-will or anything bad.
I could try and and do the same process now but it wouldn't be so easy. It was like it was happening super-naturally... and all very quickly. It was like I was already dead.
It was as if I had stripped all the dirt of life off my inner being in 5 seconds.
When my inner being was bare I then went zing. I can't describe this zing, sorry.
The next stage was exactly the same as what mentioned in the Dzogchen tradition. If it wasn't then I wouldn't be posting here. To a certain extent I think that all religions point to the same ultimate truth but the Dzogchen tradition describe it most lucidly.
I was able to witness the perfection but I don't know how because I didn't really exist and I'm not an expert on these matters.
One single conception was enough for a snowballing of conceptions, until, very quickly I was back in regular time & space... and thus the "real world" of normal life.
All the problems that had caused me so much pain in my life were gone. I had stripped them away already. I was able to live my life without losing my mind and for me this was quite an achievement in itself!
In time the dirt of life accumulated. It didn't freak me out. I think it's normal. The one key thing is that I had/have a solid grounding in reality so I'm pretty confident that I'll never really lose my way again.
It would be nice if I was able to help everyone around me. The thing is that life isn't that simple. I myself have terrible social skills which didn't get magically perfected as much as I wish they did!
It's really difficult to answer your questions. I can't really objectify my life as if I'm describing some object in my pocket. You're asking questions about my actual being. Still I will try;
Q. Has the transformation stayed with you?
A. I probably wouldn't be alive now if I hadn't been transformed. I can't see how it can leave. All that can happen is some dirt gets stuck on me. Maybe in the future I will scape it off.
Q. Did it fade with time?
A. There's nothing to fade. For sure, I was a very open person afterwards and I might have closed up a little since. Maybe I'll open as I mature. I think it's normal in life as one gets older, kinder and wiser.
Q. How did your faith in pure love manifest?
A. Well I was able to live my life. Yeah, sometimes I feel guilty about my actions or lack of action in loving others. Immortal guilt is quite a cross to carry. I know that love is the most powerful force in the universe so really I should be doing more.
Q. After your experience, did you feel more compassion for people; were you able to "see into" others' suffering? Did you experience any heightened sense of devotion and/or gratitude?
A. Compassion was the catalyst for the experience actually. Basically, you're asking if I was able to remain pure enough to be off great benefit to those around me. The answer is no. I don't feel like a I'm that person. I feel really bad about it.