Desire

[Yogidaulton]

Hello friends!

I am having a difficult time dealing with the strong arising of desire in my life.

It's sexual desire, no ambivalence there; I understand some of the conditions that are promoting it's arising, and I am addressing them in constructive ways.

But sometimes I'm really surprised by the power of sexual desire. I'm 32, homosexual, totally accepting and act on that....is it just the time of my life? It's prime mating time I suppose.

I am wondering, can some sangha please clarify some traditional (or experientially-YES!) meditations that have worked for you?

Thank you for your guidance and love.

Clay in CA, USA

[futerko]

I would say that its beneficial to learn to seperate desire from its object - the fact that the fantasy and the reality are distinct.

All forms of meditation on the nature of phenomena should help to "see-through" the reality. I can't say for sure, but at some level you know what it is you are seeking - I think if it is purely sexual then that will be much easier to deal with than if you are looking for something "deeper", or even whether you are motivated by boredom.

[lobster]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anaphrodisiac

[Jikan]

Hi Clay,

You've had an important insight: sexual desire is a powerful one. From here, you'll get a variety of different kinds of advice and explanations on what to do; some of this advice will directly contradict, depending on the traditions involved. Many different approaches work if one commits to one of them and practices in good faith. It just depends on what works for you.

This means you need to find a teacher you can trust, who is competent and willing to work with you, and ask for direct guidance. Then do what that teacher says as best you can, and check in later for more guidance. This is how to work with the mind generally, and its different aspects such as sexuality.

If you don't have such a teacher yet, the best question you can ask on a board like DharmaWheel will be "can you help me find a teacher near me in __________, California?"

All the best to you in your practice!

[Radman622]

So what would you consider to be a healthy sexuality that is in compliance with the teaching that desire is the cause of dukkha, or is there such a thing? Monks are prohibited from sexual acts, but laypersons are merely instructed to refrain from "sexual misconduct" which is to mean sexual activity which is directly harmful or causes suffering.

So... would the distinction be how much the desire "consumes your life" and if you are able to practice mindfulness, or should a layperson seriously consider abstaining from all sexual conduct or desires?

-Conrad

[dakini_boi]

So what would you consider to be a healthy sexuality that is in compliance with the teaching that desire is the cause of dukkha, or is there such a thing?

For Mahayana - sex motivated by the wish to share pleasure with your partner. And dedicate to the happiness and liberation of all beings.

For Hinayana - probably avoid sex as much as possible.

[Radman622]

Interesting. So at least in Mahayana, it is mainly about mindfulness: about whether or not you approach it from a selfish, lustful point of view, or whether your motivations are of love and compassion. This seems reasonable to me, personally.

[Konchog1]

Hello friends!

I am having a difficult time dealing with the strong arising of desire in my life.

It's sexual desire, no ambivalence there; I understand some of the conditions that are promoting it's arising, and I am addressing them in constructive ways.

But sometimes I'm really surprised by the power of sexual desire. I'm 32, homosexual, totally accepting and act on that....is it just the time of my life? It's prime mating time I suppose.

I am wondering, can some sangha please clarify some traditional (or experientially-YES!) meditations that have worked for you?

Are you talking about masturbation/porn or sex?

There is a huge difference.

For masturbation/porn: http://youtu.be/wSF82AwSDiU
In short, just stop.

For sex: viewtopic.php?f=77&t=9266&start=100#p132101

[Karma Dondrup Tashi]

Path of renunciation - renounce desire.
Path of transformation - desire is fuel for transformation.
path of spontaneous liberation - doesn't matter.