DeepFriedFunk wrote:Hey everyone,
I'm currently 23... I have had problems with addiction for around three years now, luckily I had the intelligence to know something had to be done. A year and a half I moved back home and started to sort my life out. I gave up everything. I have had relapses but i got straight back on the straight and narrow after a few days. This is one of them times.
To be honest though... I have been living in fear of what could happen. I have avoided going out, I have just kept a small close group of friends. I cant meet a girlfriend. I avoid finding work because it's easier to not work than to loose it after a binge. I look to my future and all I can ssee are problems. I have tried to kill myself on several occasions and i cant even do that. I'm powerless even over when my life ends.
I cannot and will not grow up to be a waste of a person. A waste of a beautiful human rebirth. I consider myself Buddhist, i stopped eating meat. I pray and meditate daily. It does help, I just feel like a bad person because now more than ever I realize the importance of stopping, even if i wasnt and alcoholic I would be stopping the booze. I just don't know if I have a future anymore.
I really believe in the power of prayer (Buddhist prayer anyway) since being an athiest. I have seen the power of puja in my own life. Im trying, i just have to try harder. One thing I am going to do is pick my camera up again (I got really bad after a house fire with my addiction because i lost 70,000 images, it almost destroyed me)
Yes what Greg said was right. But remember this: You take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. You do not take refuge in drugs alcohol and addiction. Go for refuge in the dharma. Don't take refuge in your addiction. Then that precious human birth of yours won't be wasted. It's a simple choice.
The Blessed One said:
"What is the All? Simply the eye & forms, ear & sounds, nose & aromas, tongue & flavors, body & tactile sensations, intellect & ideas. This, monks, is called the All. Anyone who would say, 'Repudiating this All, I will describe another,' if questioned on what exactly might be the grounds for his statement, would be unable to explain, and furthermore, would be put to grief. Why? Because it lies beyond range." Sabba Sutta.