I know this topic isn't active but I'm in search of parenting advice and hoping to reignite the discussion. Would greatly appreciate input.
My partner and I are adopting a child, our first child, and I'm grappling with some issues. We don't believe in harming or eating animals, love and feed the squirrels and birds in our backyard, have pets, and overall are strong believers in non-violence and right conduct. I personally feel that exposing children to glorified imagery of guns and violence, meat eating and so on is not aligned with our values at all.
I don't have family (parents, siblings) of my own really and live in my partner's country of origin, not mine. So we will be relying on his extended family for our children, they will be an obviously important part of our family. There are a few problems that I don't know what to do about with regards to his family. Firstly, they are mostly atheists and/or materialists to agnostic, at best. They are very liberal, and generally kind people, but there is a lack of values that is undeniable. There are 7 of them living in the country house they live in (parents and adult children living at home for the time being). Yesterday I was informed they had killed squirrels and eaten them. My future children's grandfather keeps a shotgun in the house and shoots squirrels for no reason I'm aware of, it seems mainly for sport when he gets the itch to shoot. He was raised in Kenya and this is normal to him. Also, they are apparently eating meat EVERY night for dinner, knowing that it's immoral on many levels to eat meat. Also, our future child's uncle who is living with his parents for the foreseeable future is joining the Army Reserves, shoots recreationally (plates, cans), is highly interested in war and war museums, and can't seem to distinguish between fantasy and reality when it comes to guns; it's as if he is now living out childhood fantasies, though turning 30 years old. The confusing part for me is that he is also interested in spiritual ecology, and his values don't at all appear to align with being in the Army. He has now said that he will soon only eat meat from animals he has killed himself, as though that makes it better.
I have tried talking to others about this and am met with it not being the issue I'm making it out to be so I don't know what to do. From one Buddhist friend, I was told that none of this is real. 'You say you are awake to the true Self and yet you seem to write as if there is such a thing as free will or good and bad, death and life, suffering and loss. You seem to think that you "do" something to benefit your children's course of action... that this is under your control.' How would I deal with this if/when I have children in this environment? We are planning to adopt very soon and now I'm slightly terrified given all of this. We teach children primarily through example. But surely extended family's example is important to consider as well? Would anyone go so far as to not allow their children around this? I don't even know what to ask for exactly, just any advice about what others would do if in this situation. I understand that no family is perfect and am absolutely accepting of that, but violence and killing animals is number one on my no list. As a parent, I want to do what I can for my children, to ensure they are exposed to the right environment.
Sorry for ranting a bit. Thanks in advance for your help.