Pema Rigdzin wrote:
padma norbu wrote:Maybe you have the attitude of "oh big deal if you can only do an hour or so of practice a day, just do your best" but I sure as hell don't. I'm very aware that my practice is mostly futile and my goal is not to spend a lifetime in futile practice because what the hell does that guarantee me? Not much.
Norbu, how do you see it this way in light of the understanding that no cause can fail to have a result? How do you figure that even one moment of your Dharma practice is futile, let alone an hour a day? And didn't you say Rinpoche told you "don't you worry, you just do your best"? Also, don't you think you are ignoring or forgetting that the causes you create through practice and aspirations in this lifetime will create more conducive circumstances for Dharma practice in your next life if for some reason you don't attain liberation at the moment of death or in the bardo?
Well, since you asked and I happen to be here, I'll tell you. Keep in mind, you asked... when you ask me a question, you might not get the answer you'd hoped for.
To put it bluntly, Pema, I don't believe it based on the results I'm seeing from the effort I have expended. I should clarify that I don't believe I will really make much difference in the outcome.
On top of that, I have doubts, many doubts in fact, and I know that is not good for practice, either. "Not remaining in doubt" is one of Garab Dorje's main points, but what can I do? I have not experienced rigpa so strongly that I say, "Oh yes, yes, definitely, now I get it! Right! It's totally gonna all work out! Bitchen..." In fact, I've asked many people who are more advanced then me and, when they are not being all authoritative and stacking up their accumulated knowledge in neat little paragraphs on the internet somewhere, they respond to me, personally, in a way that is very much different: "NOBODY GETS IT! IF YOU 'GOT IT' YOU WOULD BE A BUDDHA ALREADY, DUDE! HAHAHAHA!" Oh yes, very reassuring. No wonder I get the feeling that the blind is leading the blind. Many times I have looked around and considered very seriously that I am involved in a cult no different from any other; just a bunch of people believing what they want, perhaps what they need in order to get through the day (I don't know) and doing weird shit to their endocrine systems or whatever to induce calm, bliss, visions, whatever.
"Use what seems like poison as medicine. We can use our personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings." Pema Chodron