This poem by our Dhamma-friend Anders, touches me to the quick:
After the afternoon meditation,
the mind standing still,
At 8 p.m.,
suddenly wanting to go to bed,
I realise, almost surprisingly,
I'm standing on a crossroad,
loosing interest in the sensory world,
TV, books, computer, etc.,
all fail to give me pleasure.
Yet, the mind is not ready,
to harvest the true fruits of practise.
Wishing I could find just a little pleasure somewhere,
yet happy that I'm not.
How brilliant by Siddharta,
sweeping away all contradictions,
giving an answer not even considered by anybody else.
"The condition conditioning itself,
thus creating the self", said Kierkegaard;
and I find myself yearning for the un-conditioned.
Wondering how my life could have turned out,
had my mind not been deprived of choice;
seeing clearly how this path was inevitable.
For I stand now at crossroad leading only one way,
with no turning back.
And despite my depression,
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---