Just to add a bit to the discussion on lay style, I've been browsing through the PP8K and stumbled upon a section about the signs of an irreversible bodhisattva living a household life (XVII.3). As it is not surprising, the PP25K has a similar section which the Abhisamayalankara summarises in three points (IV 8, 2, 6-8.) (Chinese from Ven. Fazun's 法尊法師 translation):
巧便行諸欲 - skilful use of all desirables (Conze: circumspect in the use of pleasant things (which he possesses and enjoys without caring for them, without eagerness or attachment).)
常修淨梵行 - always cultivating pure chastity (Conze: at all times (in all his lives) he leads a chaste life,)
善清淨正命 - good and pure in correct livelihood (Conze: he is pure in the manner of earning his livelihood, (and provides for it in the right way).)
The relevant line is the second one about brahmacarya, i.e. celibacy. However, it's interesting to note that PP8K doesn't mention this part only that "an irreversible Bodhisattva who lives the life of a householder, possesses any pleasant things he may have simply without caring for them, without eagerness, without attachment. He is not one of those people who care for dear and pleasant forms." (tr. Conze)
Another thing to note is that in the Abhisamayalankara's divisions this is about the 1st bhumi while the Avatamsaka Sutra says about 2nd bhumi bodhisattvas: "They are satisfied with their own spouses and do not desire the spouses of others." (tr. Cleary) Nevertheless, the Avatamsaka Sutra has ample paragraphs talking about relinquishing the householder life and leaving behind all forms of desire. So the sutra says,
"They have no attachment to anything, but just firmly uphold pure conduct, thinking, 'As I maintain pure discipline, I shall surely get rid of all bondage, the torment of craving, oppression, slander, and disturbance, and will attain the impartial truth praised by the Buddhas.' ... Therefore they do not conceive even a single thought of lust; their minds are as pure as Buddha. The only exception is in terms of expedient means to teach and transform sentient beings — yet they still do not relinquish the determination for omniscience. ... After enlightening beings have gotten to see the Buddha, they never arouse a single thought of desire, much less act upon desire."
This single exception explains my former reference to another part in this sutra about a teacher who uses different forms of desires to help beings become free from desire.
Then it is clear from all of this that renunciation is a prerequisite of getting to higher levels of practice meaning that the only safe and sure way for a householder is aspiring for birth in the Pure Land. In the PP8K (X.9, tr. Conze) the Buddha says,
"And when I had surveyed their thought with my thought, I rejoiced in those sons and daughters of good family who belong to the vehicle of the Bodhisattvas and who had made this vow. In consequence they will become so much confirmed in their faith that they will seek rebirth in other Buddha-fields, and also they will come face to face with the Tathagatas there, who demonstrate dharma, and from whom they will hear in detail just this deep perfection of wisdom. In those Buddha-fields also they will set countless living beings going on their way to the supreme enlightenment, and will help them in their quest for full enlightenment."
"There is no such thing as the real mind. Ridding yourself of delusion: that's the real mind."
(Sheng-yen: Getting the Buddha Mind, p 73)
"Neither cultivation nor seated meditation — this is the pure Chan of Tathagata."
(Mazu Daoyi, X1321p3b23; tr. Jinhua Jia)
“Don’t rashly seek the true Buddha;
True Buddha can’t be found.
Does marvelous nature and spirit
Need tempering or refinement?
Mind is this mind carefree;
This face, the face at birth."
(Nanyue Mingzan: Enjoying the Way, tr. Jeff Shore; T2076p461b24-26)