what i noticed when i tried to develop bodhicitta is that when reading stuff from tibetan sources, be it from the old masters like tsongkhapa , gampopa or newer masters like Lama Zopa Rinpoche. it seemed to give me an abstract vision of feeling and thoughts, what they are suppose to be like when you have realized bodhicitta. however when i let it go, i understood that this was just a daydream outside of reality, expecting and building weird dreams what we judge bodhicitta to be. we limit it and define it and make it suitable to fit in a box. the box is designed as such that there is no actual way to reach its contents, we dream, we grasp, we cling, we strive for that imaginary expectations, how its gonna change everything in an instant, as soon as we reach it. its not like that, that is not human experience, it is delusion and unrealistic expectations.
i.e Gampopa talks in his JOL that mark of a great compassion is to have tears flowing out of devotion in sadness, compassion and devotion towards all mother sentient beings.
this experience can and will come naturally without effort, the more effort you put, the farther away you actually are. anyhow when you experience this you realize it that it is not stable, it is not like you cry all the time for the sake of all beings, of course out of compassion but still, no, we are not like that. and i think that is missing the point anyway, we go up and down, but in your heart, the feeling is still there, so thats it. anyway, that example just points out the unrealistic imagination about what bodhicitta is when we achieve it, the point being, we limit it and set the rules, define it, unrealistically set ourselves for failure because we set the fence so high, with our thoughts, that it must be like this, like this, we must experience it like this, like this if its true. in this way we are making the string very tight, so we need to loosen it up a little. and we are there. without effort. still we go up and down.
anyway, point is, dont define it what its suppose to be. maybe this explanation gives you a clearer picture what kind of wall you are facing and how to deal with it, and actually open to the real experience of it right here and now.
If the thought of demons
Never rises in your mind,
You need not fear the demon hosts around you.
It is most important to tame your mind within....
In so far as the Ultimate, or the true nature of being is concerned,
there are neither buddhas or demons.
He who frees himself from fear and hope, evil and virtue,
will realize the insubstantial and groundless nature of confusion.
Samsara will then appear as the mahamudra itself….