Right Speech?

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nrose619
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Right Speech?

Postby nrose619 » Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:35 am

Being a teenager in modern day society, I encounter a lot of swearing, angry, and even malicious use of language. Since learning about the Dharma I am trying to be more aware of my speech and conduct. However, I feel that I am withdrawing myself by doing this because I refrain from participating in conversations that involve that sort of thing (which is a lot of them). Anyone have any tips on practicing right speech without such withdrawal? :anjali:

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Myoho-Nameless
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Re: Right Speech?

Postby Myoho-Nameless » Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:47 am

I cuss all the time, unless I am in a situation or a context which makes it not apropro. I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong with words just as they are, in fact some languages do not have any swear words.

Cussing in anger offends people, I suppose that would make it wrong speech, but cussing informally with friends for teh lulz is prolly k. As long as you are not intending to offend anyone. It even helps you when you are hurt, I remember once in middle school when my teacher banged her broken leg on her desk and said "AWWW frak" in front of everyone.

addendum.... appears we cannot type the F word here.....well you know what she really said
"Life's a little bit messy. We all make mistakes. No matter what type of animal you are, change starts with you"-Judy Hopps

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Monlam Tharchin
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Re: Right Speech?

Postby Monlam Tharchin » Sat Dec 08, 2012 3:33 am

As I became more interested in Right Speech (being a blabbermouth makes it VERY hard), I too noticed some relationships falling away. I'd never noticed that with some people, the talk was purely flirtatious and so when that ceased, so did the entire basis of our relationship. If you find lots of people your age are primarily concerned with gossip or hurtful speech, non-judgmentally wish them well and move on. Fortunately, there are plenty of thoughtful young people that you can relate to in a mutually beneficial way. Two of my best friends I met in high school :)

Just don't fall into the trap of being judgmental :spy:
Amitabha, Amitabha, Amitabha!
The moment when myriad thoughts are flying around in confusion is precisely the time to do the work. The more you gather your mind in, the more it scatters. The more it scatters, the more you gather it in. After a long time the work becomes pure and ripe, and false thoughts naturally do not arise. -- The Pure Land Teachings of Master Chu-Hung

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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Right Speech?

Postby Johnny Dangerous » Sat Dec 08, 2012 3:44 am

Just from my own point of view, gossip about others, and tall tales/embellishment about oneself are generally the most engaged in, and worst form of wrong speech I am likely to do or be around. This was double or triple as a teenager than as a middle aged person.

I might cuss every now and then, but that is fairly mild in my view compared to these two things, which seem to be a common part of much friendly conversation.

Especially at your age, personally I would start with these rather than cussing, these are more likely to bring direct harm to you and others. Not saying don't avoid the cussing, it's a good thing to avoid unpleasant terms..but it's very superficial in comparison to trying to eliminate these IMO. Also learning to tell the truth more can transform you in some big ways that just avoiding bad words cannot.

It's very hard to avoid doing this sometimes, I find that usually such conversations begin with one person asserting something they did was "better" than the person being gossiped about. If this is the case, it can be effective to pull the conversation away from the people involved to start with, and just talk about the 'wrong thing' in question. It still might not be a great conversation, but as far as malice goes I think sometimes it can diffuse things.

For avoiding self-aggrandizing talk, just try not to do it...surprisingly i've found you will be more liked, rather than less when you engage in fewer stories about yourself. Asking people honestly about their opinions or experiences to point out substantive things can help...think of it like The Socratic Method For Teenage Conversations ;)

A bit from the Dhammapada that I try to reflect on when I get pulled into speech I don't like, among other things:

Evil is done by oneself by oneself is one defiled.
Evil is left undone by oneself
by oneself is one cleansed.

Purity & impurity are one's own doing. No one purifies another. No other purifies one.
May the eyes of living beings be gladdened by skies made splendid by clouds
that lightnings garland, while on earth below, the peacocks dance with joy as
showers of rain, falling gently, approach.

-The Door Of Happiness

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viniketa
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Re: Right Speech?

Postby viniketa » Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:24 am

Johnny Dangerous wrote:Just from my own point of view, gossip about others, and tall tales/embellishment about oneself are generally the most engaged in, and worst form of wrong speech I am likely to do or be around. This was double or triple as a teenager than as a middle aged person.

I might cuss every now and then, but that is fairly mild in my view compared to these two things, which seem to be a common part of much friendly conversation.


I agree, unless the cussing is about anger and self-cherishing. There are better reasons to loose friends than a few cuss words. At worst, cussing shows a lack of imagination and a limited vocabulary. Neither one is a considered a "heavy affliction", unless the cursing comes to be a central feature in your own negative, judgmental thinking about self or others.

If you can discipline your own speech to drop these words, all the better. Then, you don't have to worry about their negative connotations showing-up as a regular feature of your thought.

:namaste:
If they can sever like and dislike, along with greed, anger, and delusion, regardless of their difference in nature, they will all accomplish the Buddha Path.. ~ Sutra of Complete Enlightenment

plwk
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Re: Right Speech?

Postby plwk » Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:29 am

If this would be of any help...

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lobster
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Re: Right Speech?

Postby lobster » Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:55 pm

Being a teenager in modern day society, I encounter a lot of swearing, angry, and even malicious use of language. Since learning about the Dharma I am trying to be more aware of my speech and conduct.


Had the same problem, I had basically been swallowed by a culture that presents this abusive use of language as the norm. All I did was more mantras - sort of washing your mouth out with Buddha soap.
Try it. See if it works for you. :twothumbsup:


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