Just to be a smart-ass, I'm going to answer these questions.
Can you cry under water?Yes, tears come from within.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?A politician or celebrity, at least a wikipedia page
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?Because fruit doesn't travel very far from the tree.
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?So that you will buy more bread.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?b.s.
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?Yes
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?To make it look bigger from the outside.
What did cured ham actually have?Woeful existence.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?Who says we landed on the moon
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?Because adults are big babies.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?No, it's called a reporting.
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?Only if you're caught.
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?Because you have to turn the TV ON.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?The grass is always greener on the other side.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.Because it is a medical procedure, not a strip-tease.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?His/her co-worker.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?The correct term is brassieres. Bra is slang.