Craig, I don't know whether this addresses any unanswered questions you might have (which is a bit presumptuous of me) but in essence, you are right that Lust is just lust, however you dress it up, whatever persuasion.
There is nothing wrong with any form of sexual practice, providing it does not break the third precept, and providing you know it must be eventually abandoned as one of the conditions we cling to.
For an ordained person, it is a pre-requisite.
For a layperson, there is nothing to say that sexual abstention is either necessary or skilful.
But everything in Moderation.
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment."
Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'. Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!Quieta movere magna merces videbatur.
(Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! http://www.armchairadvice.co.uk/relationships/forum/