I got a question concerning my meditation practice.
I am not a good meditator, I have to admit - I keep at it regularly, I enter into in a positive frame of mind (yet) and I think I am pretty ok on the body awareness part and also have long since stopped thinking about future/past and following up on the thoughts.
But still, I have thoughts - they flashing up briefly, nothing I need to follow, but obviously I notice them. They are easy enough to let go but they are like inner comments on my sitting feelings - "this feels so and so", "there are my toes", "long breath - deep breath" etc. etc. And lately, I get these repeated thought flashes of "this is boring" or "I am bored".
Just that - I can put it behind me and not reflect on it during the meditation, but I have been thinking about it afterwards. It seems like I am actualy relieved when my sitting period is over. So I am a bit concerned that through this awareness of my boredom, I might develop an aversion to sitting and mediate.
So far, I can start meditate in a positive mindframe. But if I am so glad to have "done" my meditation time, isn't it probable it will develop into some sort of drugery like going to the dentist or cleaning the bathroom? And then I might just develop an "meditation aversion"
I would like to find a way to minimize this risk.
I have tried to count on my breath but this is even worse - I have a long standing habit of visualizing numbers, so my counting immediately leaves brilliant flashes of 6 - 5 - 4 ... in my mind - which distracts me from my breath more than my thought fragments.
Any suggestions if there is anything I can do about this or do I just have to "suffer" this and perhaps exercise some loving-kindness to my stubborn mind?