Johnny Dangerous wrote:Anger and anxiety here too.
For me management of both requires quite a bit, depending on the time of year, sometimes I am pretty bad and other times i'm fine.
I practicing exchanging self and other in various way, throughout the day simply thinking "may all sentient beings free of this", etc. I find Shantideva dedication prayer is really effective during these times:
hhttp://www.fpmt-osel.org/meditate/hhdedica.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Lojong study helps a lot, I usually use this site just because it's easy access, number of teachers here but Trungpa often does it for me:
http://lojongmindtraining.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
I also try to contemplate the fact that many others (namely supportive family, friends, teachers etc.) are about the only reason I am functional today, and can handle any of my stuff. In whatever way I can, I feel that I kind of "owe it to the world" somehow to try to help others out some, in whatever small way i'm capable, since I owe others so much..these sorts of contemplations put my own spiraling, obsessive though patterns in context. It also helps to feel to some degree that I have no right to "give up" on other people or the world, and just say screw it. - even though it's often what I feel like doing.
I will include both of us in my practice, among others, lol!
manas wrote:I've been on a healing journey since I left home as a young man. Over this time, the following realization has slowly taken shape, but only recently has it become much more apparent and clear to me:
You are neither worthy nor unworthy of love; you are neither deserving nor undeserving. 'Deserving' and 'undeserving' don't come into it, these are irrelevant.
Who is there who has never done any wrong? And who is there who has never done any good? And who are you to judge or place yourself on any kind of 'level' in relation to other beings?
Don't love yourself based on whether you feel 'worthy' of it or not. Love yourself because you need it. It is a basic human need. Give yourself this gift.
Love is an activity, a practice. It is something we do. It's not some permanent state we arrive at. Like all formations, it is impermanent. But it is essential nonetheless.
Don't make loving yourself conditional on whether you are practicing ideally, badly, or not at all. Even if you end up drug addicted, thieving and breaking every precept there is, love yourself. Because if you do, there is a good chance you will then stop doing those unwholesome things. But if you dwell in self-loathing, there is less chance of stopping such things.
Take your own side on this long journey of Samsara. You've got to be your own friend. There are going to be a lot of beings trying to bring you down. At least be your own friend, don't side with those who wish to bring you down by repeating their negative appraisals of you in your head all of the time! Even if you end up completely friendless as far as society goes, at least always be your own friend; no matter what, be kind and friendly towards yourself. This will hold you in good stead on this long journey.
When you truly begin to love yourself, you become happier. Then, filled with greater happiness, the kindness begins to spill over, you begin to feel more well-disposed towards others as well, more patient, more forgiving.
Give yourself this gift: metta. It begins with you. Care for and nurture it, let it grow. Don't make it conditional. It is not about whether you 'deserve' it or not.
It is because you need it. We all do.