@Black_Tea- Your posts makes a lot of sense. I feel kinda bad that I can't take all of your advice (well I suppose I could,but rather I'm too scared to). Before I got kicked out the second time, she told me she planned to buy a plane ticket while my dad was away on one of his out of town trips and run away to an old family friend that had helped her when she first came to the US. From there she was going to save up money to get her own vehicle, and try to start life anew without my dad.... but of course, she didn't really do it. She changed her mind as usual because she said it would be the wrong thing to do. So now they're still living together. I went to 3 counselors, and 1 psychiatrist (psychologist? I don't remember), and none of them helped me. Also, because they didn't manage to help me I feel very strongly that they didn't want to help they just wanted my money even though my dad was the one paying for it, we couldn't afford it. Thanks for your reply though. v_v I needed the hug XD
MaitriYNOD- Thank you for your reply. I don't want to say that my dad is doing "wrong" practices or anything like that, but it's like he obsesses over it in a very unhealthy way. As much as I would think obsessing over the Dharma could be a good thing, I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't.... Although I don't think that he ever truly cared for my mom, and at this point he doesn't care about me or my brother, at the point that he's at now he doesn't care about anyone or anything except for the Dharma. That's great, except that I don't see much improvement in him and he's starting to scare my mom. I don't know what to do or think anymore. As for getting my dad professional care, he won't do it. We tried it once and it didn't help, and as stated before, we can't afford it. I can't talk about it to anyone I know in person because if there's a chance that my dad will find out, it would be very dangerous for my mom. I would just end up wasting everyone's time. It's bad for me to say this, but if I could, I would cut off all contact with my parents... but I just can't. It's giving me a headache just thinking about the complexity of all this. I always hated drama, but I always get dragged into it. I guess that's just life for you.
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Keep in mind the story of Rudra, which is how Vajrakilaya originally manifested-- see this thread:http://www.dharmawheel.net/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=7462
And reference this, tell your teacher that you fear your father is on his way towards this and beg them to intervene.
Detachment is the final happiness. ~Sri Saraha
I have an update though, my mom kept asking me to email my dad to say sorry and like the sucker I am, I went ahead and did so. I don't want to, but I get the feeling that sooner or later I have to go see him again which I almost know another fight might break out somehow. It's always over stupid things, I don't hate my dad and he doesn't hate me, but he always makes everything difficult. His teacher insists we make up and see each other again because "I only have one father" and it's important for us to do so, but I'm not sure if I can.
Either way, thanks for everything, all of you, I feel like you've helped me through this since I really had no clue who to talk to about it. I didn't bring anything up with my teacher because I was told not to by my mom and there's always unecessary drama happening in my family, I would hate to drag anyone else into it. ...........although I technically already have. There is no reason why it should be this difficult.
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