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 Post subject: Minding my own business
PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:48 am 
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As the title suggests...
Where do we draw the line on that? Where do we not draw the line on that?

Opinions? :thanks:


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:43 pm 
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Dear thornbush -- As asked elsewhere, what, exactly, is NOT your business?

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 4:11 pm 
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thornbush wrote:
As the title suggests...
Where do we draw the line on that? Where do we not draw the line on that?

Opinions? :thanks:

When it impinges on someone's peace, well-being, happiness, etc.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:22 pm 
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On rule that always works:

When it comes to other people's kids, always mind your own business. Pretend you know nothing. Parents can be kooky about this, even if you're well-intentioned and want to say something you think might be helpful :toilet:

I've been on both ends of this one.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:06 am 
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Interesting N.Drolma,

I got some samples:
1. Back when I was Catholic and doing my devotions in a Chapel, a very young kid of about 2-3 years old came towards me, took my stack of prayer books, threw it all over the floor and ran back to the parents. Guess what? When I looked at the parents, they did nothing, in fact, both looked left and right as if to deflect my angry stares.
Now 3 options were available:
1. Personally discipline the kid, since the parents had failed to be a good example
2. Confront the parents
3. Report it to the Church Parish Priest.
I chose the third option. Fully aware that the first option would lead to a possible 'lawsuit' and the second option is out too for I do not have the habit of starting confrontations in a public place of worship. Some people who witnessed the incident shook their heads. I left the Chapel and had a talk with the padre. The following Sunday, he gave a scathing homily on parental responsibility.

2. Once, in a Sri Lankan Theravada Vihara, I witnessed how a Bhante (Venerable) was doing a blessing for a family. Guess what? The son's handphone rang midway in their midst and in full view of all in the Main Shrine, he answered the call and was chatting boisterously in front of the Venerable who was still doing the blessing. Family? None of them did anything. Later, I spoke to the Bhante and he lamented that this is a common urban example and despite many friendly and direct warnings.

3. There was a Confucian saying that i heard once: "If man cannot deal with you, then Heaven will'.
A story was related once to me, there was a kid, during Mass, ran up and down the main aisle in full view of everyone, parents were nonchalant as usual. Suddenly the kid ran back to his pew and dared not move for the rest of the Mass. Later when the parents asked the kid what had happened, he related that he had heard of a loud voice that boomed into his ears, "SIT DOWN!". No one that day heard that voice, only the kid. The parents? Probably hard of hearing... :thinking:

Just some sharing....my business? Should it be? What thinketh you? :tongue:


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 8:18 pm 
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LauraJ wrote:
On rule that always works:

When it comes to other people's kids, always mind your own business. Pretend you know nothing. Parents can be kooky about this, even if you're well-intentioned and want to say something you think might be helpful :toilet:

I've been on both ends of this one.


Hi Laura

Yes, I tend to mind my own business with regard to other peoples kids most of the time,.. but :thinking:

Not.. if -despite their parents being blissfully unaware - the other peoples under age kids are posting distinctly 'adult' images of themselves on Facebook. I am afraid in this case I took the risk of causing offence and poked my nose in!! :smile:

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 8:36 pm 
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Hi Medusa and Thorny,

I think you're both right. I personally would take my concerns to an authority if safety were an issue or something that serious. In the case of a Parish Priest I'd much rather take my concerns to him rather than the parents with a child acting up at mass. In this way you don't insult but you can follow your heart and do your best by a child who doesn't yet have the means to look out for him/herself as an adult does. In the US, even calling CPS anonymously is an option if you're drastically concerned. In that situation talking to a parent probably wouldn't get you very far anyhow because a situation would already be out of control. I worked for CPS and everything is handled with great caution and respect.

So we do have a responsibility towards the children but I think it can be handled in such a way that concerns are addressed, the community can be involved, and no one's parenting abilities are put to task. After all, in a certain sense we don't "own" our children. They belong to the world.

In some smaller situations, if you already know a parent and the children, talking to the parents may be just fine if concerns arise. I've done that too, and lord knows people have done that with me. I think it's really a matter of levels of concern.

Kind wishes,
Laura


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