I am sorry for the loss of your girlfriend and the pain you are going through. I lost both my parents and an older sibling - but that was some time ago. I know first hand that the experience of grief is intensely isolating.
Firstly, I recommend that you consider seeking the services of a counsellor or psychotherapist. Grief is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one. And a counsellor or psychotherapist will provide you with someone to talk to and help you process your grief in a healthy manner. If you have access to a teacher or a sangha, then they maybe able to give you instruction, dhamma teaching and noble companionship during this time. I also recommend that you continue with your practice and not let it drop. Let the Dhamma be your anchor during these difficult times.
Wishing you the very best,
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725
(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •
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