Sorry, lost me there. Conscience appears to me as a feeling of dis-ease, a sensation of some kind, tightening, a more solid like state manifesting as muscle tension. It appears as memories that I cant change, with that realization causing a psychic/mental distress in the field of mind (feels like somewhere around the head region). And so the fact that I am forced to accept that, makes me feel deeply sad, very deeply sad.
Those are the consequences of breaking your conscience, or recalling a memory of such an event. What triggers such reactions? The 'frame' of conscience is purely mental, build out of ideas. An example may be, 'do no harm'. If you harm someone, at some point you will pass the point of acceptance, and those feelings you've described, will arise. Before all this, you have to accept the idea of not doing harm, as valuable. There are plenty of such ideas hidden deep in our memory, that are causing suffering. If you are able to find and debunk these irrational ones, suffering will fade.
And so is it our unwillingness to accept this that causes suffering? A bad conscience? Do we punish ourselves by repeating the mental phenomena over and over? With pain remaining due to a non-acceptance of reality, of what really is the case?
It may be surprising, but we are willing to accept suffering if it is justified. Moreover, if it is justified, we will apply it ourselves. This is precisely what guilt is. Its mental self punishment. As long as one thinks he did wrong, he will punish himself using guilt. We do that continuously on many levels. The problem lies not in non-acceptance of reality, but quite contrary, in acceptance of ideas that we hold true about reality. If you thinks a particular idea is true, and you do something that breaks it, you will feel suffering. This way, the more ideas you hold, and the further those are from reality, the more you suffer. Suffering can be measured by multiplying the number of ones ideas by their accuracy.
Is it the failed expectation that reality should be anything other than what it is? Aren't we (or maybe just 'I') all living in a kind of trance, thinking we know what is going on, that any of this makes any sense, a kind of weird dream that we can't wake up from? It seems like I hold deep within a desire for things to be other than what they are, failing in every instance to recognize what really is, trying to change it, modulate the pain, and so punishing myself over and over.
Yes, and this desire causes suffering. Things are as they are, and you want them perfect. This "perfect" is based on your ideas (its not really perfect, you just think it is). Now, if you do something that is not fulfilling this perfect view of the world, you blame yourself. We can clearly see, that the problem does not lie in your action, nor in you. It lies in the view you are holding. The view is the cause of suffering, as suffering is a self punishment inflicted when goals outlined by our ideas (of the perfect world) are not met.
'what cannot be said as a fact, must be passed over in silence'
That could really bring an interesting result.
With an open heart, which arises when guilt disappears... just like that. It takes a moment to eradicate guilt accumulated throughout your whole life, like dropping a glass of water. You only need to find out which ideas to relax.
Yes, read this post once again.
Say what you think about me here.