How can I not fear "myself?" (A reflection)

Discuss your personal experience with the Dharma here. How has it enriched your life? What challenges does it present?

How can I not fear "myself?" (A reflection)

Postby Sonrisa » Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:27 am

As long as I can remember, what embarked me to practice the dharma is when someone called me stupid. I was tired of being a slave to my anger and realized that when others insult me, theyre doing it because they want a reaction or because they want to feel better about themselves. Reacting out of anger would only make it worse for me. I learned that there is no such thing as getting even because both parties are trying to one-up each other for the sake of looking down on the other; it is a tiring, endless cycle! In the end, both end up frustrated. Enough is enough! I made the strong effort to not be controlled by the impulse of my anger. It is a painful feeling. I am now able to recognize this pain that happens to all of us and use this as a way to practice compassion. I try my best to have compassion to those that admonish me out of anger because I know the pain, I know the feeling of being a slave to it.

I then began practicing the Buddha-name recitation (Amitabha) for who knows how long and I don't even care for long. This type of meditation helps me.

Anyway, through this exploration process, I found out that we are amazed, frightened, surprised, etc. by what we can find within ourselves! It gave me hope because that means I can change myself. I dont know everything and I learned. Sometimes I get lost and know that it's okay to ask for help and directions along the way.

Sometimes, I fear being not humble. I recalled the instance with the guy who called me stupid. I was having a hard time wishing him well until I visualized him and prostrated. I did this as a way to make myself "let go" of this aversion and ego. The prostration really helped because instead of analyzing it, I just DID it because the THOUGHT of prostrating even to his visualized image made me irk with my own ego and my ego was just not having it! It was saying "No! you are NOT prostrating to this guy that just insulted you!" It was a scary experience. It is enough to intellectualize that he too possesses Buddha-nature and wisdom but it's different to actually ENGAGE. Perhaps I was also prostrating his Buddha-nature?

Lowering the body and touching the head to the ground in and of itself cultivates humility and egolessness, which are mental states. It doesn’t matter what we think about it; all that matters is that we do it.

From: http://sweepingzen.com/embodying-the-way/


Sometimes along the way, I am frightened by the inner maras. It makes me want to flee but I know I CANT flee because the inner maras will be there. I recognize that I cant because after all, I reside within myself and I can't escape myself in the same way I can walk away from a confrontation.

Friends, what can I do?
Namo Amitabha
Namo Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva
Namo Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva

May I continue to practice loving-kindness and compassion for sentient beings. May my friends and loved ones be free from suffering. May those who have hurt me also be free from suffering.

Hatred is like throwing cow dung at someone else. You get dirty first before throwing it to someone else.
User avatar
Sonrisa
 
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:55 am

Re: How can I not fear "myself?" (A reflection)

Postby Konchog1 » Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:43 am

Equanimity is the ground. Love is the moisture. Compassion is the seed. Bodhicitta is the result.

-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra

"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."

-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats
User avatar
Konchog1
 
Posts: 1342
Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2011 4:30 am

Re: How can I not fear "myself?" (A reflection)

Postby muni » Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:41 am

Thank you for that sutta. :smile:

Whenever there is bullying, using harsh words, dividing speech, it is out of disturbed emotions or disturbed state of mind. If we lose patience and react like you say, we feed it and in fact that is the "joy" of the already disturbed mind and we act in same way: by disturbed mind. We don’t help ourselves nor him/her by such but shouldn’t be a woolen sheep neither.

I think, Sonrisa, there is no other way then to train our mind, to remain mind full ( not easy! ) or mindfulness turns in forgetfulness and we are lost in projections. Like showing our fist to the views in the mirror, hey you there, I am going to get you! Mind full reminds me on the expression ‘the fullness of emptiness’ in which compassion is present.

One can see it like this about inner-outer phenomena or outer tv or inner tv, we don't need to 'watch'. When mind gives attention we are conditioned by feelings, thoughts. When mind gives no attention, they turn powerless. One way I heard was a bit like this: we can give them space, free them in vast space. The importance of calm mind the Dalai Lama told. Short youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdDOARCR3XQ

I found this quote:
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? :heart:

All the best and thanks for sharing.
Falling down into thoughts' stream, identification arises.
muni
 
Posts: 2959
Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 6:59 am

Re: How can I not fear "myself?" (A reflection)

Postby Sonrisa » Sat Feb 01, 2014 5:51 pm

Konchog, thank you for sharing this sutta. I like how Shakyamuni put it:

It is said that we share in the company when we berate those who berate us...

Muni, you are right! It is exactly like turning the channel. Indeed, there is NO other way other than training our minds. I would say it is quite a challenge but it is SO worth it when it comes to fruition. I had recently an experience where some guy was insulting yet again because I have different taste in music. I did feel angry and frustrated but kept in mind that he's only behaving from an unclear mind. If I react to the anger, I will only be a victim of my own anger. It isn't our fault that others have the need to attempt in putting us down just to feel better about themselves. It's silly when you realize what's going on. As for the mental affliction, one can put into practice the following:

He/she may have said something about me. However, I REFUSE to hurt myself as a result of their anger.

I also wanted to share something so that others may use it and benefit from it as well. What also helped me is using an image of Amitabha Buddha and visualized his compassion, wisdom, and beauty as mine too. This helped me to remember that those qualities are also available within me. Apparently, if you visualize it, you can make it real within yourself :namaste:
Namo Amitabha
Namo Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva
Namo Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva

May I continue to practice loving-kindness and compassion for sentient beings. May my friends and loved ones be free from suffering. May those who have hurt me also be free from suffering.

Hatred is like throwing cow dung at someone else. You get dirty first before throwing it to someone else.
User avatar
Sonrisa
 
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:55 am


Return to Personal Experience

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

>