Why do we do the things we hate?

Discuss your personal experience with the Dharma here. How has it enriched your life? What challenges does it present?

Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby duckfiasco » Tue Dec 24, 2013 12:43 am

Why do we persist in activities that are harmful when we know better? Maybe we don't even enjoy them anymore how we used to, but keep on truckin' anyway.

For example, say someone has a lot of trouble refraining from intoxicants. Maybe they drink.
They know they overdo it if they start with even a little bit.
They beat themselves up over it. Time and time again, they feel the suffering of their actions.
Maybe the desire to indulge lessens from dharma practice... but as soon as the opportunity comes up again, they can't seem to resist. It's like someone else takes over, even as they try to persuade themselves.
They may even be at the point where pleasure in the activity has dried up.
But instead of this being a cause for renunciation, they try to hype themselves up into enjoying it again, which is fruitless.

I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol.
But I've had to say "here I am again" more times than I care to remember.
I feel like I'm going crazy when this happens!
:rolleye:

So.
If we clearly appreciate the downsides of an action or a habit...
have reached a saturation point where even pleasure is gone, or only a crumb remains...
If we go through hell resisting the activity and even more after indulging in it...
Why do we persist?

I feel like I can see a few things clearly keeping me tied down, but it's like a Chinese finger trap trying to let go of them.

Thanks for your insight :)
Namu Amida Butsu
The Perfect Way knows no difficulties
Except that it refuses to make preferences;
Only when freed from hate and love,
It reveals itself fully and without disguise.
- Sengcan (tr. Suzuki)
User avatar
duckfiasco
 
Posts: 573
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:11 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby Karma Dondrup Tashi » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:29 am

Hard to kick a bad habit.
Karma Dondrup Tashi
 
Posts: 1014
Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:13 pm

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby duckfiasco » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:38 am

Karma Dondrup Tashi wrote:Hard to kick a bad habit.

Yes but why :popcorn:
Namu Amida Butsu
The Perfect Way knows no difficulties
Except that it refuses to make preferences;
Only when freed from hate and love,
It reveals itself fully and without disguise.
- Sengcan (tr. Suzuki)
User avatar
duckfiasco
 
Posts: 573
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:11 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby Karma Dondrup Tashi » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:44 am

dupe
Last edited by Karma Dondrup Tashi on Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Karma Dondrup Tashi
 
Posts: 1014
Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:13 pm

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby Karma Dondrup Tashi » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:45 am

Karma Dondrup Tashi wrote:
duckfiasco wrote:
Karma Dondrup Tashi wrote:Hard to kick a bad habit.

Yes but why :popcorn:

Trishna, craving. Which in Mahayana is a consequence of avidya, ignorance.
Last edited by Karma Dondrup Tashi on Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Karma Dondrup Tashi
 
Posts: 1014
Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:13 pm

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby reddust » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:46 am

Habits need to be fed. They do not want to die :tantrum:
Mind and mental events are concepts, mere postulations within the three realms of samsara Longchenpa .... A link to my Garden, Art and Foodie blog Scratch Living
User avatar
reddust
 
Posts: 761
Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:29 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby bob » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:49 am

duckfiasco wrote:
Karma Dondrup Tashi wrote:Hard to kick a bad habit.

Yes but why :popcorn:


Because of the level of investment we have already made, which has created notches in the brain that demand repetition. To break certain habits, one literally needs to re-wire their neural circuitry. This is where certain meditation techniques can be helpful, but having a good support system is also helpful (sangha).
bob
 
Posts: 138
Joined: Sun May 20, 2012 5:37 pm

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby Jesse » Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:09 am

The impulse to create happiness by satisfying our wants is deeply ingrained. The habit is "this behavior/activity/thing will make me feel good, I want it.", we want to be happy essentially so we chase things that produce fleeting happiness but ultimately leave us feeling empty/back where we started, and thus it is a cycle.

The more happiness said thing produces, the harder the habit is to break. Eg. Drugs, Alchohol are very hard habits to break, and the harder the drug, (more powerful), usually the harder it is to quit, for example.
"We know nothing at all. All our knowledge is but the knowledge of schoolchildren. The real nature of things we shall never know." - Albert Einstein
User avatar
Jesse
 
Posts: 697
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby smcj » Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:34 am

Habit is a facet of karma. Traditionally it is listed as "karma which reflects the germ of the act". Not much clarity in that sentence for us Westerners. You need commentary that I've not seen in print to understand it.

So fighting your habits is struggling with your karma. If you need your lack of freedom in samsara illustrated, that's a good way to have it brought to your attention. It's a whole lot better than a visit to the hell realms!
A human being has his limits. And thus, in every conceivable way, with every possible means, he tries to make the teaching enter into his own limits. ChNN
smcj
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 6:13 am

Re: Why do we do the things we hate?

Postby Roland » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:24 am

We are habitual creatures and these are our habitual patterns. We can see this in individuals and even broader, in human society. That's why it is said that there is this constant cycle of birth and death, why human societies rise and fall continually throughout history essentially for the same reasons, and why war and violence repeat on and on.

For the reasons on a physical level, I think neuroplasticity has shown that when we repeat things over and over it creates new neural pathways, essentially solidifying the habit. It takes about 6 weeks to do this. I tend to look at addiction as a lack or imbalance of neurotransmitters in some way, making the tendency to do these pleasurable things even stronger. On the other hand, I think habits are a natural aspect of humanity... so make so many good habits that there are no room for habits that have the possibility of causing negative consequences.

... or something like that...
"Seek truth in meditation, not moldy books. Look in the sky to find the moon, not in the pond."
- Persian proverb
User avatar
Roland
 
Posts: 195
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 7:33 pm


Return to Personal Experience

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests

>