Why do I think I'm ugly?

Discuss your personal experience with the Dharma here. How has it enriched your life? What challenges does it present?

Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby flowerbudh » Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:44 pm

Where does this feeling in particular come from? I think I know the answer, but I'd like to hear from you smarties. :)
Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. - The Buddha
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby KonchokZoepa » Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:48 pm

maybe because someone thinks your ugly and thus you are labeling yourself ugly. really there is no ugly or beautiful per se. not in the sense that someone actually is ugly. because its just a label we project onto others as a comparison to an object that we perceive beautiful.
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Johnny Dangerous » Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:56 pm

It's your age mostly. You are at a point in your life where the significance of your physical appearance is in hyper focus, the older you get (hopefully), the less important it will be, and the more perspective you will have. Our culture also has this ridiculous idea of what constitutes female (and arguable male) beauty.

Anyway you aren't ugly, and who cares if you were...so don't worry about it.
"Just as a lotus does not grow out of a well-levelled soil but from the mire, in the same way the awakening mind
is not born in the hearts of disciples in whom the moisture of attachment has dried up. It grows instead in the hearts of ordinary sentient beings who possess in full the fetters of bondage." -Se Chilbu Choki Gyaltsen
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Paul » Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:57 pm

It's at least partially because you have been exposed to consumer capitalism, especially TV advertising. People who are constantly being told that they are inadequate and that there's something wrong with them are easy to sell useless shit to. Personally I won't allow a TV in my house and avoid all advertising like the poison it is.

What I find amazing is the way that models in modern media are so thoroughly photoshopped to the point where even a model is not as attractive as he/she is in a magazine.
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"Do not block your six senses; delight in them with joy and ease.
All that you take pleasure in will strengthen the awakened state.
With such a confidence, empowered by the regal state of natural mind,
The training now is simply this: lets your six senses be at ease and free." - Princess Parani
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Ayu » Sun Nov 24, 2013 10:11 pm

What is ugly? Who is ugly? What is important? What is not important?
Because, if our mothers, who have been kind to us
From beginningless time, are suffering,
What can we do with (just) our own happiness?
From 10th of 37 Bodhisattva Practices
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby greentara » Sun Nov 24, 2013 10:55 pm

You're very young, just 15 years old and self-conscious. Life experience with all its ups and downs and some serious inner work will put this concept to bed.
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby LastLegend » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:04 am

You have a thought of ugly. You have a thought of beautiful.

It is like forcing someone to eat meats. At that moment, you are creating an image of the person eating meats in your mind.
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Tenzin Dorje » Mon Nov 25, 2013 11:10 am

Maybe because the stories that are being told all around you, from the advertisements you see on TV to the ones you see on the street, including the graffitis, magazines. etc. A story is told, and it is a one of a certain type of beauty. If you take all these elements as support for your mind who is the greatest story-teller ever, it is quiet understandable that you think you are ugly.
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby lobster » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:42 pm

So there we are attached to a form of being, young, old, only two eyes and feet. You are indeed ugly compared to [insert attractive mult limbed sentient of choice] Not everyone or more likely anyone can be a gorgeous spider.

However for an insecure teen we have to remind. Beauty is a quality not a superficial hormone induced self loathing. In time your hormones will produce a different outlook as people have mentioned. You are beautiful. Stop thinking dependent on age and other circumstances . . . oh you cannot . . . or can you . . . :shrug:
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby catmoon » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:49 pm

flowerbudh wrote:Where does this feeling in particular come from? I think I know the answer, but I'd like to hear from you smarties. :)


I really don't know, but I do know it's extremely common among the females of the species, and top-of-the-market models often have the same problem. So you're not alone!
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Jainarayan » Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:54 pm

Paul wrote:It's at least partially because you have been exposed to consumer capitalism, especially TV advertising. People who are constantly being told that they are inadequate and that there's something wrong with them are easy to sell useless shit to. Personally I won't allow a TV in my house and avoid all advertising like the poison it is.

What I find amazing is the way that models in modern media are so thoroughly photoshopped to the point where even a model is not as attractive as he/she is in a magazine.


I think Paul hit it perfectly. We're bombarded with tv and print advertisements of young, fit, "beautiful", affluent people having a great time at parties, laughing it up with other young, fit, "beautiful", affluent people we're supposed to be like. But it's all a fiction. It may be hackneyed and clichéd, but it's true: inner beauty triumphs and shines through any external appearance. You can have the most "beautiful" woman or "hunkiest" guy but if she's a total bitch or he's a total doosh, there is no beauty there. But if you have the plainest or "homliest" woman or man who is kind, gentle, loving and selfless, that is the most beautiful person in the world.
Worthy, wise and virtuous: Who is energetic and not indolent, in misfortune unshaken,
flawless in manner and intelligent, such one will honor gain. - Digha Nikaya III 273
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby futerko » Mon Nov 25, 2013 3:41 pm

I used to think I was ugly, now I'm fairly sure.

To quote Frank Zappa,
    "I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you something - there's a lot more of us ugly m*therf*ckers out there than you are, so watch out!"
we cannot get rid of God because we still believe in grammar - Nietzsche
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby jungblood » Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:02 pm

Nowhere is our conditioning more evident than in our self-perception... firstly, you should take comfort in the fact that your sense of being ugly is clearly down to conditioning, because you are definitely not ugly - you are actually very attractive (I hope you don't mind me being so blunt)... I really identify with your feelings though, because I've had the same experience... as a child I was quite fat, and people made fun of me... as a result I came to see myself as ugly.. when I got older, the fat disappeared and people started to tell me I was handsome... but no matter how much affirmation I got from the outside, I still always felt ugly.. I'd see my reflection and hate it... in time I've come to see this was just conditioning, not reality, and I only thought my reflection was ugly just by virtue of the fact that it was me... working on our conditioning can certainly help dispel these false perceptions... while dedicated Buddhist practice certainly isn't meant to make us feel 'hot', it can definitely clear away our delusions... and if you think you're ugly, my friend, I feel confident that you are in the grips of a delusion..

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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Arjan Dirkse » Tue Nov 26, 2013 2:12 am

Why do you think you're ugly?

I don' t know why you think that but I don't think there is ugliness in you. The only thing that is ever ugly is evil, and from your posts you seem like a warm, kind and good person, not a bad person at all. So you aren' t ugly.
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby PadmaVonSamba » Tue Nov 26, 2013 2:54 am

Is that your picture? then you must be looking at somebody else.
Most people wish their physical appearance was better in some way.
thinner, more hair, bigger body parts, smaller nose, taller, shorter...
This has always been the case. It's not caused by modern marketing.
it's caused by, in one way or another, the desire for perfection
and people desire that because they want to be happy.
All beings want to be happy.
Welcome to the club!
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Caz » Tue Nov 26, 2013 8:54 pm

flowerbudh wrote:Where does this feeling in particular come from? I think I know the answer, but I'd like to hear from you smarties. :)


Self-cherishing :namaste:
Abandoning Dharma is, in the final analysis, disparaging the Hinayana because of the Mahayana; favoring the Hinayana on account of the Mahayana; playing off sutra against tantra; playing off the four classes of the tantras against each other; favoring one of the Tibetan schools—the Sakya, Gelug, Kagyu, or Nyingma—and disparaging the rest; and so on. In other words, we abandon Dharma any time we favor our own tenets and disparage the rest.

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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Huifeng » Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:25 am

flowerbudh wrote:Where does this feeling in particular come from? I think I know the answer, but I'd like to hear from you smarties. :)


You may find this interesting:

http://www.upworthy.com/2-people-descri ... at-happene

Youtube version:



~~ Huifeng
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby reddust » Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:31 am

Bullseye Huifeng, thank you :anjali: :heart: :heart: :heart:
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby flowerbudh » Wed Nov 27, 2013 4:52 am

I haven't been online in a few days, so I apologize for the late response.

Thank you, friends, for all of your insight. I'm trying right now to cultivate my inner radiance and ignore/place less emphasis on how I actually look. I used to think I looked ugly when I smiled, so I would always pout or scowl in pictures. Now I'm realizing that happiness = beauty, and so I put on a big ole' smile!

Btw, I cried when I watched the Dove Real Beauty Sketches video for the first time a few months ago. Thanks for sending it along. <3

And thank you for the compliments, as well. :)

I hope all of you have been well.

Stay beautiful. x
Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. - The Buddha
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Re: Why do I think I'm ugly?

Postby Huifeng » Wed Nov 27, 2013 9:20 am

:)

RedDust -- long time, no see, sister. How you been?

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