Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Discuss your personal experience with the Dharma here. How has it enriched your life? What challenges does it present?

Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby thornbush » Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:52 am

As the above asks: Whats your choice?
If u were in a situation where a loved one tells u to make a choice, what would u choose?
No strict definitions of what a 'loved one' is....someone dear to oneself...
Have u been in such situation before?
Would love to hear your story and experience.... 8-)

Namo Amitabha Buddha!
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Ben » Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:25 am

Hi Thornbush

Yes, I have been in that situation before. When I returned from spending a very intense three-month period of service and meditation at my teacher's main centre in India, I returned home and got involved with a girlfriend. Initially I thought she was interested and while a christian, accommodating of my practice. As it turned out, she didn't like it and discouraged me from continuing my practice. As I had an explosive experience in India and had recently had my whole world turn inside out, I wasn't strong enough then not to nip the relationship in the bud. Instead, I acquiesced to my girlfriend's negativity towards the Dhamma. As it turned out, the relationship lasted a couple of years and we split up. Looking back, getting together with her was a mistake.

Would I choose a loved one over the Dhamma now? No to both. I've been married now for thirteen years and while my wife doesn't practice, she is very supportive. In the last five or six years I've actually accommodated a busy family by meditating when it isn't inconviencing others such as very early morning and late at night. I don't believe in choosing one over the other, my important relationships and the Dhamma go together.
Metta

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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby clw_uk » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:54 pm

Greetings

I dont have a partner nor intend to ever have one but i know that if this situation did occur my answer would be to choose the Dhamma, the relationship and partner is subject to Anicca so the relationship would have ended one way or another


Metta
Those who are lust-infatuated fall back to the swirling current (of samsara) like a spider on its self-spun web. This too the wise cut off. Without any longing, they abandon all dukkha and renounce the world

Dhammapada - Verse 347
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby KeithBC » Tue Apr 07, 2009 6:25 pm

I cannot conceive of having as a partner someone who would inflict such a choice.

So that leaves family, those loved ones whom we do not choose. I cannot choose to ignore what I believe to be true. I also cannot choose my family. So, in terms of which I will have in my life, there is no choice to be made.

In terms of how I choose to act, there is, of course, always choice. I might suppress my overt participation in Dharma activities, though I suspect probably not. I might put the offending family member on "ignore". That is my most likely action.

Om mani padme hum
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Luke » Tue Apr 07, 2009 10:53 pm

KeithBC wrote:I cannot conceive of having as a partner someone who would inflict such a choice.


Exactly. Me neither. A "partner" is someone who will work things out with you and compromise. Only a "dictator" would force you to make such a choice. There's no way I'm letting go of Buddhism!

GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby termite » Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:08 pm

Choices like that have already been made. :thinking:
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Ngawang Drolma » Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:51 pm

I suspect that a person who would put me in such a position wouldn't be a "loved one" for very long.

:namaste:
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Dazzle » Tue May 12, 2009 9:27 pm

It's my decision to remain alone for the rest of my life now so the question wouldn't arise - but if it did I'd choose the Dharma.

.
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Eternal Spirit » Wed May 13, 2009 12:40 pm

Dear Thornbird,

The Eternal Spirit has no such conflicts. The Eternal Spirit is pure love in itself. The Eternal Spirit has love and complete satisfaction as its nature. As such, there is only one loved one, namely, The Eternal Spirit.

:anjali:

Let one not trace back the past
Or yearn for the future-yet-to-come.
That which is past is left behind
Unattained is the "yet-to-come."
But that which is present he discerns —
With insight as and when it comes.
The Immovable — the-non-irritable.
In that state should the wise one grow
Today itself should one bestir
Tomorrow death may come — who knows?
For no bargain can we strike
With Death who has his mighty hosts.
But one who dwells thus ardently
By day, by night, untiringly
Him the Tranquil Sage has called
The Ideal Lover of Solitude.
Eternal Spirit
 

Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Drolma » Wed May 13, 2009 1:18 pm

I've been married now for thirteen years and while my wife doesn't practice, she is very supportive. In the last five or six years I've actually accommodated a busy family by meditating when it isn't inconviencing others such as very early morning and late at night. I don't believe in choosing one over the other, my important relationships and the Dhamma go together.
Metta

Ben


:bow:

Same here, my husband doesn't practice, but is very supportive, often helping me drive hundreds of miles to receive teachings from different teachers. I often accomodate visiting family members by just changing my meditation time, moving it to the early hours of the morning. :smile:
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby Luke » Wed May 20, 2009 6:26 pm

Drolma wrote:Same here, my husband doesn't practice, but is very supportive, often helping me drive hundreds of miles to receive teachings from different teachers. I often accomodate visiting family members by just changing my meditation time, moving it to the early hours of the morning. :smile:

Wow, it sounds like you're going through a lot of hardship to learn the Dharma. I hope that some positive karmas ripen for you so that you don't need to travel so far. You sound so kind that I think it must only be a matter of time before changes occur in your life to make your practice easier. May a great lama come close to where you live!

:heart: OM AH HUNG VAJRA GURU PEMA SIDDHI HUNG :heart:
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Re: Dharma or Loved One:What would you choose?

Postby sraddha » Mon May 25, 2009 12:02 am

I agree, someone who really loved you wouldn't make you choose. :smile:
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