Regaining balance after experiencing something disturbing...

Discuss your personal experience with the Dharma here. How has it enriched your life? What challenges does it present?

Regaining balance after experiencing something disturbing...

Postby OneofMany » Thu May 02, 2013 10:28 pm

So how do you do it? Or what do you find helpful in regaining balance after experiencing/witnessing something disturbing?

So say recently, I saw a mom abuse her child, it's really not too uncommon here for parents to publicly beat, punch, loose or neglect their child. Most of the mom's that I've talked to about why they've lashed out at their kids blame their kids for their reaction, show little to no remorse and usually display a bit of victim attitude. I find it remarkable how frank they can be. Anyway, with the neglect or loosing their kids, once again, it's the kid's fault for not keeping up with mom shopping(etc.), or it's good for the kid to learn early how to "grow up" or they "don't need...food, water, physical contact, etc." like an adult, so I've heard so many times.

I have seen an unfortunate side-effect of this behavior personally, such as when my sister starved my niece, after getting in-trouble with the law, she decided to operate on the "grey side" of the law. I tried to put it in a perspective as to how caring for the child she created might benefit from basic care, as she as do many of the other mom/parents don't seem to see how it matters aside from the "what's in it for me" attitude. I know in my sister's case that our childhood abuse left her emotionally scared so that she became hardened to Nonetheless, in cases such as hers and others, I trust that the justice system is trying their best, but have a hard time shaking off the experience. I practice sending metta, seeing things from the parent's perspective, try to have a right action/speech, but still, I just hate seeing kids in particular suffer and that site tends to stick with me.
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Re: Regaining balance after experiencing something disturbin

Postby shaunc » Fri May 03, 2013 2:13 am

Very sad. I've got 4 kids although two of them are now adults & one of them has left home. Children, like animals respond to 2 basic training methods. Punishment & reward, I've always had my best success with the kindness & reward method, although at times the punishment method is called for, there is however a big difference between the punishment of a child (physical) & abuse.
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Re: Regaining balance after experiencing something disturbin

Postby OneofMany » Sat May 04, 2013 2:57 am

I do find the analogy funny, however, I agree, I've found similar with my own kids as well with animals.

With the lady from the day before,I didn't feel like bothering to expend much time on her as she seemed unaware, with little comprehension, and felt like it wouldn't be worth my energy to talk to her. Another passerby-er did stop and argue with her over the treatment of her child, I personally didn't feel it was sever enough to call the cops, but still felt horrible for the infant. I didn't see her behavior as a result of punishment vs. reward; although now that you mention it I can see that, I viewed it more as her personal issues blocking her compassion for her child's distress and obvious pain or a lack of a maternal bond.

Although I placed my questions under these specific parameters, I imagine it translates well into other aspects of a broader range, are there any sutras one can recommend I can read and reflect on?
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